Jennifer Jareau Imagines

You Have To ⚠️

⚠️ RAPE ⚠️

I walked out of the jets restroom and sat down next to JJ, playing with my wedding ring. I felt JJ's eyes on me but I didn't look up. Normally I sat across from her but I didn't want her to see my face as easily. I looked over to Hotch who gave JJ a nod and then looked away when he noticed I was looking at him. JJ put her hand over mine and squeezed it. I gave her no reaction and just stared at our hands. This case was just really hard for me. The unsub was a sadist who sexually tortured his victims which was similar to something I had experienced around four months ago. "Y/n?" JJ asked. I squeezed her hand to let her know I was listening. "We landed."

"Oh." I looked around and saw that everyone else was off the plane. I stood up and held onto JJ's hand, needing some form of comfort. She didn't even know that I had been raped so if she knew something was wrong I didn't know what to tell her.

We stayed silent for the whole ride home and I held her hand the entire time until we stepped out of the car. I followed JJ to the door and she closed it with a sigh. I didn't turn to look at her, I just walked upstairs and sat down on the bed. I looked up once JJ closed the door. "Are you ok?" She asked me, sitting down next to me

"Yeah, I'm fine. Can we go to sleep? I'm tired." I said, trying to fight back tears. I stood up and walked over to the dresser and she walked over right beside me.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing-"

"Y/n I know you." She whispered. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as tears threatened to come out. "Come on honey, what is it?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Babe no. You know what the bureau therapist said. You have to talk about it."

"I don't want to."

"You have to." She reached for my hand and held it against her lips, kissing it lightly a few times.

"Can we just do it in the morning?"

"You can't sleep with it on your mind, it's not healthy." I nodded, knowing if I were to talk my voice would break. "I'll go make some coffee."

"I'm not going to be able to sleep either way." I sat cross legged on the foot of the bed across from JJ.

"So...talk to me. What's wrong?"

"It was just the case." I sighed, playing with her fingers.

"What about the case?"

"Just...what happened to those girls."

"Do you know why it's affecting you the way it is? We've had cases like this before and you were fine." My body tensed up and I let out a shaky breath.

"He sexually tortured them JJ."

"Yeah, but there's more to it."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"We're not going to sleep until you get it off your chest. Take as long as you need, I'll be right here." I nodded and continued to play with her fingers.

Around 10 minutes passed with her occasionally kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back for me to finally get the courage to tell her. "It affected me that badly because I um...something similar happened to me." I whispered. I felt her tense up but I didn't dare look at her.

"What happened to you baby?"

"I was out clubbing...with Em and Garcia."

"Mhm."

"And I saw my ex."

"Tyler?" I nodded and she squeezed my hands as I let in a shaky breath.

"He took me into the bathroom...and he held me up against the wall with a knife to my throat." I put one of my hands on my throat and it was like I could still feel it. "Then he...then he fucked me until I was screaming and begging for him to stop, but he wouldn't stop." My breath for caught in my throat and she squeezed my hands again. "I ended up passing out for a few minutes and when I woke up he was still doing it. My whole body hurt and I was completely overstimulated-" I was cut off by my own sob. "And then he cut me."

"Where?" I hesitantly rolled up my shorts to show her the cuts that were made dangerously close to my genitals. They were deep scars and were definitely going to stay there forever.

"That's why...that's why I haven't wanted to be intimate too." She rubbed my arm.

"And you don't have to feel bad about that." She whispered, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Can we just go to sleep now?" I whispered while punching my wrists.

"Honey don't do that you're going to hurt yourself."

"I don't care." I mumbled.

"Baby...can I hug you?" I nodded and she put her arms around me. I played with the hem of her shirt and rested my forehead on her shoulder. "How did Em and Pen not know?"

"I left. They never saw me leave. I guess they thought I was drunk and called an uber." I shrugged and started pinching at my wrists again as the memories became more vivid.

"I told you to not do that." She scolded, pulling away from me and separating my hands, placing kisses on the palm and wrist of each hand.

"Can we just sleep?" I whispered, avoiding eye contact.

"What is it? There's something you're not telling me."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to-"

"Actually JJ, I don't have to do anything. Leave me alone and let me sleep. I don't want to talk about it." I looked up at her with a stone cold face. "I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"No you're not."

"I'm not going to be in the same room as you because you're just going to force me to talk about it." I slammed the door behind me and walked downstairs before flopping down onto the couch. A minute later she flopped down on top of me. "Leave me the fuck alone JJ! I already said I don't want to talk about it." I yelled before burying my face in the pillow. She didn't listen and traced small shapes on my back under my shirt. I tensed at the touch but relaxed when my body realized it was her.

"What are you not telling me?" She whispered before sleepily kissing the back of my neck. I huffed and turned onto my back so that she was straddling me.

"You really wanna know?"

"Of course I wanna know, so I can help you baby. I would never judge you, you know that." I nodded and lifted my shirt up slightly and pulled my pants down a little bit so she could see the word whore scarred onto my lower stomach. Her breath hitched in her throat before she reached down to touch it. I flinched and smacked her hand away. I sat up and hugged my arms to my chest.

"Can you get off of me?" She shook her head and put her arms around me. "I don't need a hug JJ, I need to be by myself." She didn't let go and I tried to squirm out of her grip but she kept me still. She kissed my forehead and I relaxed a bit as she started kissing my neck. I shook my head though and was able to get off the couch. I saw the way she looked at me, full of love and sympathy and I jumped right back into her arms. "I don't want to talk anymore, but can you just hold me?" She nodded and tightened her grip on me, resting her chin on the top of my head.

Five minutes later I had fallen asleep in her arms but woke up when I felt my back hit a mattress. I flinched and woke up, only to see JJ. I calmed down and pulled her down beside me before snuggling into her. "Sorry for waking you up honey."

"It's ok." I mumbled, kissing her throat softly, closing my eyes again.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Thank you for telling me."

"I kind of had to."

"I know. But I know it was still hard." She rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. "You're safe, you know that right." I nodded. "And you're loved. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"You can go to sleep now." I nodded and sighed as I drifted off to sleep.