Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Weight Loss ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER ⚠️

I stepped onto the scale, seeing that I had lost another 5 pounds since I last checked. I had lost 20 pounds over the past 2 months and my clothes were big on me now. "Y/n, are you ok in there?" I heard Penelope's voice as she knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yeah sorry Pen, I didn't know you were waiting." I stepped outside of the bathroom and walked back to my desk, feeling a little relieved.

"You look like you're in a good mood." Spencer said. His desk was across from mine so we talked all the time.

"I guess I am."

"May I ask why?" I shrugged and he nodded, looking down at his desk. "I understand." I took a sip of my water. "I guess you wouldn't want to reveal that you had really good sex with JJ last night." I spat out my water and looked up at him.

"What? No, that's not what happened."

"Ok." He looked like he believed me so I let it go.

A week later we were on a case in New Jersey. As Hotch told us where everyone would go to work on the case I could feel JJ's eyes on me from across the table. I looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back and walked over to me when everyone stood up. She was about to pull me in for a hug but I walked away. "Hey, can't you give your girlfriend a hug?" She sounded hurt and I looked back at her, feeling bad so I gave her a small quick hug. I had avoided any physical contact like hugging or cuddling because I didn't want her to pick up on the fact that I wasn't eating and that I had lost a good 25 pounds now. I turned to walk away but she stopped me. "Get back here." Fuck. She felt it. I turned back and looked down at the ground.

"Wooh, she's in trouble." I heard Morgan say while laughing.

"Look at me." JJ said. I lifted my head up to meet her eyes. She looked concerned and angry at the same time, something I didn't know was possible. "Take your jacket and shirt off."

"Not when everyone's here."

"Ok, everyone out." JJ looked around at everyone and they did as they were told until it was just JJ and I left in the room. She gave me an expectant nod, telling me to continue. I shrugged my jacket off and hesitantly took my shirt off.

"Jayje I-"

"Nope, I'm going to do the talking right now." I gulped and looked down at the ground. "What have you been doing?"

"It looks like you already know the answer." I said hesitantly, looking back up at her.

"I want to hear you say it."

"I...I haven't been eating." I said shamefully. "I'm sorry Jayje-"

"No, don't apologize." Her voice softened a little bit and I put my hands over my stomach as I felt her eyes scan my body. "Don't do that. You don't have to hide from me." I put my hands down and curled them into fists as they started to shake.

"Are you mad?" I felt tears brim in my eyes.

"No, no honey I'm not mad." I nodded and she looked down at my hands, noticing that they were shaking. "Can you tell me why you did it?" I didn't answer for a second. "Y/n?"

"I don't want to do this right now." I put my shirt and jacket back on.

"No, we're going this right now."

"No we're not JJ." My breathing for shallow as I started to get overwhelmed.

"Yes we are-"

"Stop!" I threw my hands up in the air and put them over my ears. When I saw that she wasn't talking anymore I took them off. "I'm not talking about it right now."

"Ok." She nodded and I left the room, shutting the door behind me.

"What was that about?" Spencer asked me once I stepped into the drivers seat of the car. I leaned forwards and rested my head on the steering wheel, clutching my hands together. "Hey, are you ok?"

"No." I shook my head and looked over at him. "No Spence I'm really not. God this is so stupid."

"Don't say that. It's not stupid." He told me. I took a deep breath and leaned back on the seat.

"I haven't been eating Spence."

"Oh." I bit my thumbnail and looked out the window, feeling my heart drop when I saw JJ walk outside of the Police Department.

"I'll be back Spence." I got out of the car and walked over to JJ. "Hi." I bit my lip as I fought back tears.

"Hotch can you go with Spence?" JJ asked as he walked by.

"Of course." JJ grabbed my wrist and dragged me back into the police station.

"Hey Jayje."

"Do you want to talk now?" I shook my head.

"No." She nodded and knelt down in front of me, putting her hands on my knees as I sat down in a chair in the conference room. "Look...I really don't know what to say. I don't think there's really anything to say." She nodded and I closed my eyes once a tear fell out.

"Don't cry." Her voice completely softened and my watergates broke. "Hey hey hey, honey. Shh, don't cry. Don't cry baby I'm right here." She stood up and stood in between my legs, pulling my head against her stomach and rubbing my back and scratching my head. "I'm right here, it's ok if you don't know what to say, you don't have to say anything. I'm right here." I put my arms around her waist and held her lazily.

"I should've told you. I should've told you. I never meant for it to get this far."

"It's ok baby. It's ok." I stood up and nuzzled my head into her neck.

"I just...I didn't like the way I looked Jayje I'm sorry."

"Honey, you're so beautiful. And don't ever apologize for the fact that you're hurting. Never." I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter.

"I didn't feel comfortable in my body."

"Honey, you can always talk to me about this."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I was just going to go on a diet."

"You don't have to explain yourself honey. You can relax, I'm right here and I just want to help you. Ok? I just want to help you." I nodded into her neck as my sobs started to get quieter and less frequent.

I pulled away from her after a few minutes and she kissed all over my face. "Don't feel bad, ok? I'm here. I'm here." She repeated.

"Can you stay here?" She saw the desperate look in my eyes and nodded.

"Yes. Yeah, I'll stay here." I wrapped my arms around her again, missing the feeling. "I'm not going anywhere. And can you promise me something?"

"Mhm."

"If you feel bad about yourself, tell me. I love you."

"I love you too Jayje."