Sander Sides One Shots

Happy

Patton's POV

I hate how much control my parents have over my life. 
They control practically everything.

They are non-sociable people who try to inflict their introverted lives on me and my siblings.

They don't let me do anything, they don't let me express myself. If I act even slightly unlike 'myself' I get called a moody teenager. I get yelled at, cussed at.

If I bake something and accidentally cook it a little too less than my parents and siblings call me stupid, a terrible baker, they insult me, it's like they purposely want to make me feel so small and degraded. They want me to suffer, they want me to think badly about myself and everything I do. Or maybe they don't but that's how it feels.

If I get a 'B' they tease me about it, but they probably don't realize how bad it makes me feel, how it hurts me.

 They continue to call me stupid.
 They continue to make fun of me.

My mom tells me that I'm obsessed with everything. She teases me the most. She calls me a teenager in a bad way. She goes through my phone, she took away the right I had to come out to her, forcing me to talk to her. She takes my phone, my way of talking to the very few people who make me feel like everything is going to be alright. She turns off my notifications as if she doesn't want me to talk to people. She gets mad at me if I take too long on homework, if I sit on my knees. If I stay up too late. 
Like everything is my fault.

My older sister, she doesn't ever let me forget how fat I am. How ugly I am. How I care too much about what I'm wearing, how I dress like the opposite gender too much. She calls me a suck up, a teachers pet, a try hard because I always do extra credit.

My brother, also calls me ugly. He says I sing terribly, so I never sing.  

My father, makes fun of me for everything I do. I'll come home from school, my siblings will enter through the door first, he will laugh, tell jokes and ask how their day was. I on the other hand get yelled at sometimes, because I'm not talking much or I'm, once again being moody, a brat. 
I can tell I'm his least favorite, he shows it every time I'm near him. Even if he says he doesn't have favorites. And then at dinner, he will act as if none of that happened and ask me how my day went. What am I supposed to tell him?

Im starving because I didn't eat breakfast and only a little bit of fruit at lunch because I was getting looks and told countless times to eat by people and random strangers, that I got yelled at for no reason as soon as I got home which just made me feel even worse? That I more than likely failed a test at school, even though I never do? That I wish I didn't exist?
No. Because then I'd get called moody again.
A typical teenager.

And then my parents want me to 'talk' to them, let them know if I'm ever feeling suicidal or want to hurt myself. But how am I supposed to when they treat me like this?
How am I supposed to open up to them, when I feel so hated?
How am I supposed to be me, if I can't do anything?
How am I supposed to tell them, my whole family, that I would be happier dead, forgotten? That they would be happier without me. 

So would my friends.

Everything would be better if I were gone. 

I wish I were gone.

But then I open up, tell my friends how I feel. And they convince me to wait a little longer. 

So, I'll continue to not eat, because of my sister, and society.

I'll continue to do extra credit, because I get praised, and I'll just take what my sister tells me because I know it's the only way adults will be happy with me.

I'll wear tighter clothes, and brighter colors, and a big fat smile on my face, so I can try and mask my ugliness.

I'll never sing again, no matter how happy and free I feel when I do sing. I'll just listen to music to drown out my thoughts. 

I'll stay quiet around my family because if I say anything I'll have the urge to cry.

I'll let my friends convince me, that I'd be happier here. And plus, I'd be selfish if I left because I'd make them cry. Because they care about me. I don't see how but I guess they must, even if it's only a little bit, because if they want me, this piece of trash, to stay alive, then I must mean something to them.

Because I guess it never matters how I feel. I just have to put up with it, I'll continue to hurt myself, I'll continue to make others happy. Because if I can't make myself happy, then maybe I can make others. Focus all of my good feelings on them, and maybe, just maybe, I'll fully change to what everyone wants me to be. I can make everyone happy as long as I take their advice, I can meet their standards if I try hard enough.

~~~~~

~Have An Amazing Day...?