Sander Sides One Shots

Sander Sides

Warning:
Suicide Mentions
Mentions of past scars/cuts
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Around three in the morning, Virgil had woken up, Roman was peacefully sleeping next to him. Virgil let out a sigh, he sat up in bed and sighed, running his hand through his hair, he was really hoping that his plan had worked, he was fed up with waking up this early everyday and then not being able to fall back to sleep for an hour or two and then he'd be so tired that he'd be asleep until ten or noon the next day.

He pushed the blankets away from him, looking over at Roman and giving him a quick kiss as before he climbed out of bed and walked towards the door of the room. Virgil stopped as he reached for the door knob, did he really want to leave Roman's side right now? He wasn't sure, but he had to do something to occupy his mind. 

He stopped walking, looking up and at his surroundings. He recognized the door in front of him, he saw the light underneath the door as well, so he decided to knock.
It didn't take long for the door to open, and once it did Virgil was quick to wrap his arms around Deceit's waist. Deceit wasn't very surprised to see Virgil in front of his door.

"It's alright, Virge." Deceit patted Virgil's back and pulled him into his room so he could close the door. 

"Why couldn't there just be an easy way out?" Virgil asked with hardly any emotion in his voice. 
"I don't know, I wish there were though." Deceit went to sit on his bed, Virgil following after him, the two were both sitting against the headboard. 

"When did you figure it out?" Deceit knew what he was referring to so he took a deep breath and started to explain his situation.
"We were only fifth-teen at the time. I started to get Thomas to lie to his parents more and Logan and Roman started to express how much they hated me for it. I don't know why you looked up to me so much, but it was cute and I'm glad you stuck by me. But it was inevitable." Deceit pulled up his gloves and revealed two neat scars across his wrist. "Only a bit of blood poured out, no more than a regular cut. And then I realized that no matter how deep I cut, I wasn't going to get dizzy, I wasn't gonna pass out, I wasn't going to die..." Deceit pulled his gloves back up and stopped talking.

"I was hanging for a good five minutes before I realized the circulation and airway was cut off and I still hadn't even passed out, and then about two minutes later you all walked in...I spent weeks planning it all out and writing each letter..."

"What drove you to do it?" Deceit asked, letting his eyes fall closed.

"A few months ago, I was scrolling through Thomas' comments on a Sander Sides video, I was about to go into a panic attack and I thought it would make me feel better, there were some really rude comments about me...I decided then and there that I was gonna do it within this year, no doubt about it, I was sick and tired of everything and I was only remotely happy when I was around everyone." Virgil sighed, mussing up his hair as he closed his eyes too.

"Don't scare Roman and Patton like that again. The others too, of course. But I'm positive those two almost had a heart attack and they were so quick to blame themselves, like morons. You wouldn't kill yourself because of something stupid either of them did to you." Deceit scoffed, he had a small soft spot for Patton and Virgil, he'd never admit it though.

"Yeah...I won't. I don't know how I'm going to make it up to everyone, I know I crossed a line with the suicide letters..." 
"You didn't cross a line. Think about what would've happened if one of them walked into your room because you weren't responding t the door, and they happened to see you hanging there." Deceit explained, putting it into perspective for Virgil. 

"I guess that makes sense...but I still need to apologize again and make it up to all of them." 

"Well, I should head back to Roman's room before he wakes up. He can't sleep without someone next to him and he wakes up easily. Try and get some sleep Dee, good night." As Virgil was starting stand up, Deceit grabbed his hand. Vigil was pulled back down, he was now sat down next to Deceit his face centimeters away from Deceit's. 
Deceit moved a little closer, and closer, until there was no more space between them. 

He had kissed Virgil.

Virgil didn't kiss back, but he didn't push Deceit away. Eventually Deceit did pull away, looking at Virgil with sad eyes. "I love you, Virgil..." Virgil stared at Deceit, he felt sympathetic for Deceit, he didn't know how to not make him feel bad, how not to make him feel worse. 
The two of them were still close to each other, as if they were going to kiss again, but Virgil wouldn't let that happen, he loved Roman too much to cheat on him.

"I can't Dee...I'm sorry." Deceit's eyes fell to Virgil's lips, but he wouldn't do it again because he knew Virgil didn't want it. "Goodnight." Virgil stood up, and slowly walked out of the room and walked back to Roman's.

He opened Roman's bedroom door and quietly closed it behind him. He leaned against the door as he looked around the room, his eyes landing on Roman, who was sitting up in bed, watching the door as he waited for Virgil to return.
"Did you go talk to Deceit?" Roman asked, locking eyes with Virgil. He held his arms out waiting for Virgil.
"Yeah..." Virgil pushed himself off the door and walked over to the bed, sitting in Roman's lap. He took Roman's hands in his and wrapped them around himself.

"I love you, Ro." Virgil leaned his head back, taking in the warmth Roman provided him.

"I love you too, Virgil."

~~~~~

~Have An Amazing Day!!