Silently Screaming For Help

|Chapter 23 : Pushing Myself|

"I can't believe you"

"What?"

"You have quidditch, O.W.L work, muggle work and extra class work to do-"

"Yes-"

"You're skipping meals-"

"I won't admit that"

"And you fell asleep in History of Magic"

"Don't remind me" I mumbled to Blaise as I rubbed at my face, vividly remembering getting woken up at the end of the lesson as I looked up at him, wiping my eyes as the last embers of the fireplace disappeared and I relied on my wand for light as he sat down next to me.

"You're struggling"

"I'm not"

"You are Amelia. Admit it"

"I'm not, because I'm not-"

"Accept it"

"No"

"Why are you pushing yourself so far? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove yourself to?" He asked quietly as my quill was taken from my hand and I stared at the table

"Myself-"

"What?"

"And Nadia-" I admitted quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat as I tried to stop my lip from trembling as he turned to me properly and stared at me

"Lia, why?"

"Because I want to show her that I am a good person. That I'm worthy of appreciation. I want her to know that I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying and I just want her to like me" I told him quietly as I pressed my palms into my eyes, my body starting to shake as he let out a quiet sigh

"Even after everything she's said.... you're still looking for-"

"She's my mother Blaise. You don't understand. She won't even look at me, she's disgusted by me and doesn't want to associate herself with me"

"Amelia-"

"Did you know that after the sorting in first year I was so disappointed that I cried myself to sleep that night? I've never wanted to be 'evil'. Do you know what's it's like to be ignored, bullied and picked on by your former friends because you've been sorted into the bad house, the evil house- the hated house. I've slowly started becoming and acting like a jerk because that's how people expect me to act-"

"You shouldn't be changing yourself to-"

"I have disappointed, disgusted and ashamed family members just because I was sorted into this house. Do you know what it's like to be the only Slytherin in your family? Especially when your sister is a Gryffindor and brother a Hufflepuff and both parents were also Gryffindors, my dad breaking family tradition and not wanting to be a Slytherin like the rest of them. Because every Black that has been sorted into Slytherin has became a rotten, selfish, egocentric and tiresome bastard that doesn't have their morales in the right place and has respect for absolutely nobody"

".... you're getting worked up-"

"Do you blame me? I'm stressed and I'm in pain!"

"Go to sleep Lia"

"But I have so much fucking work to do"

"Do it tomorrow-"

"I can't-"

"How not?"

"Because I'm already behind"

"That's because you're doing so much. Take a break"

"I can't though. I need to get this done-"

"You're so unbelievably fucking stubborn"

"Fuck you" I mumbled quietly, taking my quill back as I started finishing off my work, feeling the couch go back to normal as he got up and walked off, mumbling to himself quietly.