Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

182. In the Dungeons of our Dreams

Juha left the TV monitors on so I could suffer while watching what was happening at our house. One day I was able to see Eve arriving. Oh god, kulta. I called her, uselessly of course, my heart shrunk to see her and imagine her suffering. This psycho was watching my family, and I couldn't do a thing. Eve was about to leave her country when I got to Finland - so maybe this was one day after I arrived? I had no idea, I was completely lost in time.

I wasn't sure how many days I was here. Four, five days already? Juha seemed busy and would disappear for hours, sometimes I knew he was in the house - if this was a house - because I could hear some noises upstairs. I never heard him talking to anyone, he was always alone, apparently.

He refused to speak to me. I lost count how many times I asked why he was doing this to me. My theory was that he was an obsessive fan, more or less like Marius was one day. Unfortunately they were many, most of them harmless. I had my share of obsessive fans that crossed the line, but only Marius went that far. Did I ignore him, treated him badly? I couldn't remember any episode I mistreated a fan. I try to be gentle with them as much as possible, but sometimes they are so many, if I didn't give enough attention wasn't because I didn't want to. Their admiration could easily be overwhelming. This seemed so shallow and futile, but could be a reason. After so many bad events that happened to us, I've learned not to underestimate people's motivations.

Eve always said Juha was a huge fan, very nosy and curious about me, the band and about our private lives. She didn't want to be rude but she never gave him much details as far as I know. She always hated how the media tried to speculate about our personal matters, it wouldn't be different with people that wasn't our family or friends.

Or this had something to do with Eve. She never complained about him, despite his curiosity about us. And she was always so gentle and nice to people, why somebody would do such a thing to harm her? What were his motivations? I was clueless about him, he seemed indifferent to me. First days he even talked, curious about me, but now he would leave me speaking to myself.

He had an anger inside him, that was visible. I knew he would tell me the reason sooner or later, and then maybe I could convince him to stop this craziness.

Every morning, he came with breakfast. Black coffee, a pulla and some rye bread. As usual, he threw the tray inside my cell.

"Can I have a cigarette, please?" I asked him.

He had cold eyes, but smile. "I'll see what I can do. I threw away your pack. You smoke Marlboros, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't mind the brand."

"Sure, Ville. If it will make your more comfortable." He even smiled at me, as if he was trying to be really nice. "If there's anything else I can do, just ask me."

Really?

I stepped closer to him. "Juha, please, just answer me one thing. I really need to know."

"What is it?"

"How is my father? Is he out of danger? What really happened to him?"

"He is fine. He's not in the hospital, nothing really happened to him. It was just a scare."

"Was it you?" The anger rose in me. He was so sure about it, I felt he had something to do with it. "Were you responsible for what happened to him?"

Juha sighed, and looked away. "You seem... I think you're losing weight. Try eating more. We can't have you sick."

"I feel sick already."

"How do you feel?"

I threw the tray back at him. The hot coffee splashed on him, and he jumped. "How do I feel? How do you think I feel, when I'm here locked and seeing my family being watched by you? My stomach is sick all the time, I can't eat this shit. Why the hell are you doing this?" I screamed at him.