Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

25. Joulupukki

Kari showed me quickly the rooms, and saved Ville's for last. "He doesn't live here since he was 17, so there isn't much. But we kept some of his things."

I entered the room and there was a lot of boxes. On the walls, worn out posters. Black Sabbath, Depeche Mode, Fields of Nephilim. Some vinyl records. Neil Young, Elvis, some Finnish artists.

Kari picked one. "Ah, that's his hero. He listens since he was a baby. When he started to cry, Anita would play the record and dance with Ville on her lap. He would calm down right away."

I smiled at the image. "He was always fond of music."

That made me miss him even more. I could only imagine his reactions while Kari was telling these stories. I was feeling deeply melancholic and Kari saw it on my face.

"I knew you were a good person since I laid my eyes on you. And I saw the sparkle in Ville's eyes. There's nothing more important than my sons' happiness. Don't worry, Eve. Soon enough he will be with us."

"I miss him. I just hope he's doing fine."

"He's tough. And stubborn, just like his mother." He laughed. "I know he will recover very soon. Just wait and see."

We went downstairs. Mige and Jesse were helping Anita, who offered me a drink. "This is Glögi. It's a traditional Christmas drink. It's red wine mixed with cinnamon, cardamom and almonds. Try it."

It smelled delicious. And it was, indeed, not too strong. I wasn't taking my medications today, so I went for it.

"This is good. Very peculiar taste. I liked it."

"We drink it warm as well." Jesse swallowed the Glögli. "But I prefer like this."

"In Brazil we have something similar. It's red wine with cinnamon and ginger. And we drink it warm, in winter. There's this party which is celebrated in June and we eat a lot."

"You can make it for us next time." Mige encouraged.

We sat on the couch in the living room, Kari served us some cookies. They were delicious and reminded me of Marie. Jesse had the idea of playing a word game. "We can play this because Ville isn't here. He always wins, it's boring!"

Anita gave him a hard look. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Jesse gave me an apologetic look.

"Don't worry. Besides, we can practice and defeat him next time." I tried to sound positive. "I'm practicing Finnish, so maybe next year we can play it in Suomi, hopefully."

"That means I can't speak whatever I want in Finnish, in front of you?" Mige laughed.

We started to play it and it was fun. It was a way to break the ice, for sure. The glögi helped as well, but I tried not to drink too much. I couldn't be drunk this night.

But the truth is that I was feeling miserable as time passed. My mind was wandering. I could see they were struggling as well. Of course they missed Ville as much as I did, it was his family. If they could pretend they were alright, I could as well.

Seppo called and spoke to Mige. My Finnish was still too basic to understand. He said he was coming to see us, wish merry Christmas, Mige simply told me.

I kept thinking about Ville, spending Christmas at the rehab. Did they throw a party? Was he alone in his room? The image of him, all by himself in his room, made my stomach twist. I excused myself and went upstairs to the bathroom. They had one on the first floor, but I went far away from them.

I tried my best not to cry, but I couldn't. I sobbed for a moment, alone. I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to fix my make up. It was messy, but fine. Before I went back to the living room, I went to Ville's room again and sat by the bed. I looked at the posters, some books. It was good to stay in there, somehow I felt closer to him, it helped me calm my heart down. I picked a Lovecraft book and some papers fell. There were some notes, but it was in Finnish. His handwriting was beautiful, I supposed it was his. I didn't remember seen it before.