Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

170. Scars Wide Open

"Dear, your phone, it is ringing." Ville knew I was aware of that, as I was looking at it, but didn't pick it right away. The noise of it vibrating on the kitchen table triggered my anxiety, when I read the name on the display.

"Hi, Anna." Ville picked and answered, I didn't mind him doing it. "Yes, she's here. No, she doesn't mind, nor I mind her doing the same for me. No, we are not." Anna probably questioned Ville why he was answering my phone. "We are fine, how about you?" I looked at him, and his smile made me feel relieved. "Oh, I wished I was there. Here we are in the fucking cold." Ville's laughter echoed through the kitchen, filling the air with joy. Anna was back in Brazil, in the warm weather, while we were in miserable end of autumn.

"Yeah, if Eve wasn't pregnant, that would be a good idea. I miss Rio." Anna, Jesse and Theresa were travelling in Rio de Janeiro now, enjoying the nature. Ville liked it there a lot. "Yeah, she was a bit busy but she's back now. I'll pass it to her. Send my regards to my little brother and Theresa." Ville gave me my phone. He knew why I hesitated answering the phone when Anna called. I always thought it would be a bad thing, but she just wanted to chit chat for a bit, and ask how things were.

If the doctor's math was right, Theresa's condition should be worse by now. But Anna was telling me she was strong, even better than some weeks ago. Hopefully they got it all wrong, maybe there was a miracle. Theresa used to make fun of it, saying most products could still be useful after the expiration date.

November was always a good month for us. Charlotte's and Ville's birthday, and also our anniversary, that came first. "I don't know how you put up with me for so long, seriously." Ville said, when we woke up and he wished me happy anniversary.

"The record is mine?"

"Yes, it is." I knew he spent a long time with Lyydia, the others I had no idea. "How about me, how do I score?"

"Yeah, you are the champion."

He chuckled, still looking a bit drowsy. "Thank you for all these wonderful years, darling." Ville kissed my cheek, as I turned to kiss him. My belly was bigger and bigger, and making everything more difficult.

"These years have been really wonderful. Maybe a bit crazy, but above all, incredible." If someone asked me if I would do everything again... I would not. I wished our lives weren't interrupted by so many people wanting to hurt us. We've suffered so much, life has been hard on us in that sense. But if I couldn't change that part of life, then I was glad that it was Ville by my side, no one else. I felt we could do anything together, we were the only ones who could tear us apart, really.

"You're thoughtful." He was analysing my expression, which softened as he ran his fingers on my face. "Do you... Do you regret anything? Be honest."

I felt it was a very serious question, Ville was anxious, now he was completely awaken. I sat down, he promptly put a pillow behind my back so I would be more comfortable. He was always ready to help me. "Maybe."

"Okay." He swallowed, and I could see the way he blinked he was worried. "Do you want to tell me? Please, elaborate, or I will be thinking about it all day."

I chuckled, I didn't have anything specific in mind. Probably that wasn't the perfect answer on our anniversary, but our lives weren't a perfect fairy tale. Revisiting our past, I regretted losing precious time. "I wished we didn't spent so much time without talking to each other. Like what happened while I was in Sweden."

He nodded, exhaling, maybe in relief. This wasn't a bad regret to have, if that was a thing. Regrets are meant to be hurtful, in any sense. "I feel the same. I should have looked for you, even if your reaction would be to beat my ass. I should have insisted."