Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

50. Hollow World

I was watching a class when Ville called, I ran outside to pick up. I usually didn't like getting out of the class, but I was having a bad feeling lately. "Ville?"

"Moi, love. Are you busy?" He sounded a bit groggy, like he just woke up.

"How are you?" I really needed to know if he was alright, it wasn't just a silly question. I felt he wasn't himself.

He sighed before replying. "I'm feeling better. I could get some rest and I have a new medication already, but it won't work so fast. Actually I don't even know if it will. I didn't really sleep, I passed out so tired I was."

"Okay... That is not good, dear. But hopefully the medication can help you. Is Mige around?" I didn't want to tell him, but I was getting worried sick now.

"Not now, but I'm in his room. I don't even remember why."

I smiled that Mige did what he said he would. "Do you feel like playing tonight?"

"I think so." He took a deep breath, mumbling. Sometimes it was difficult to understand what he was saying. "Kulta, I'm really sorry I've disappointed you. I don't know what to say. I just tried to fix things in a Finnish way, it didn't work. It's been all so crazy."

"You better skip parties, then." It hit me, the anger. If he was so tired, how he spent a night at a party with Kat?

There was a silence on the other side. "What parties? What are you talking about?"

"I saw a picture of you and Kat having fun at some party." I knew I wasn't being fair, he didn't seem well in that picture.

Ville didn't say anything at first. "It wasn't a party, it was an event I spent less than one hour at it. It was from that tattoo magazine we did the photo shoot, so we had to be there. But I'm glad you're following what I've been up to." He got defensive and his tone was edgier.

"I'm not, someone just showed me the picture."

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"No, Ville. I just think you should try to rest whenever you can."

"And I think you shouldn't read gossip magazines."

"You really think I would have time to check gossips? I just saw a picture and from that I could conclude some things, as I can't really talk to you sometimes." That sounded bad, even to myself.

"Tell me about it."

"I'd rather not." I didn't want to pick a fight with him. We never fought before, and over the phone, miles of distance between us, everything seemed worse. "I think it's better I get back to my class."

Ville didn't say anything, I could hear his breathing. "Alright. I don't want to disturb you any longer."

I didn't want to hang up with a bad feeling between us, that didn't seem right. We missed each other so much, I was terrified about his condition, and he wasn't in his best days, far from it, so everything amplified. I felt a sharp, stabbing sensation in my chest.

"Ville. Take care, please. I'm worried about you." I felt a knot on my throat, my voice barely came out. His silence was killing me. "I love you."

"Go back to your class, Ve. We'll talk later. Ciao."

I had a dreadful feeling when he hang up. Since yesterday I had a bad foreboding that wouldn't go away and it was disturbing my inner peace. I had to recover myself to go back to class. My anxiety was kicking in, I was trying to concentrate on my breathing. I went for a walk, and I felt a weird pain in my whole body, like needles and pins, and my legs were about to fail. I didn't know what was happening to me, then I remembered I didn't went to the doctor yet. I didn't know if all this was emotional, but I was feeling like a black hole would consume me. I sat outside on a bench, waiting to get better. Everything was so weird with me lately.