Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

19. Sleepwalking Past Hope

We laid on the bed to be more comfortable. He was supporting his head on his arm, he looked tired but always trying to look fine to me. I caressed his curls, after seeing him smiling at me so sweetly. I was even feeling a bit tired myself, after this emotional conversation.

"Do you want to rest a little, kulta?"

"No... I can sleep at night. I just hope your couch is better than the hospital's."

He raised a brow. "What do you mean?" He sat, staring at me. "Do you think you're going to sleep on my couch?" He laughed in his maniac way I loved and I had no choice but to laugh with him. "Kulta, you're insane." Like a fast predator, he inclined, lying on top of me and pulled me closer to him. "Do you really think I'm gonna let you escape from my bed?"

Oh god. His eyes were on fire. His kiss expressed his desire very well. He licked my lips and I shivered. Now, all that tiredness was nowhere to see. As his kiss deepened, his right hand was moving, travelling under my blouse. "You're so soft." He mumbled.

I didn't protest, but he stopped to watch my reaction. I didn't have to say anything back at him, I guess he read my thoughts. His hand stopped near my bra. But I could understand, ge was asking permission.

I remembered what Anna said. I wondered, is Ville all this romantic guy that just opened to me like that? Or was he a rock star that said all these things to bring girls to his bed? No, I saw it in his eyes. Maybe I was being stupid, trusting someone like that so blindly. But what the hell. I saw truth in him, in his feelings, and whatever will be, will be.

I just responded by kissing him again and pulling him even closer to me. His hand then moved a bit more, until it touched my breast and I moaned slightly. He started kissing my neck, licking it before he finally sucked on it. He slightly pulled my hair back while doing it.

I was losing grip. And I didn't care at all.

I felt his volume on my leg, as he was pressing against me. I caressed his skin, underneath his t shirt and he shivered under my touch. He was being careful, always watching my reaction.

"What are you thinking, Ville?"

"I'm thinking that... I want to see your tattoo again."

He had a sweet expression after the request and despite feeling a bit nervous, I moved away from him and got up. He was watching my every movement. I could see he seemed a little puzzled.

I was shy on bed, and my self confidence was shattered by past relationships. Ville was extremely handsome and sexy. What about me? I was just an awkward, completely devoid from grace person. All of a sudden, I was aware of that and felt bad about myself. I wouldn't pretend I was someone else, it would be ridiculous.

He got up, and held me by the arms. His hands caresses my skin, carefully, and I avoided looking at him. "Kulta, what's wrong?"

"It's... Nothing, I'm just..."

"Hey, don't worry, you don't have to. Only if you want, when you want. I don't want to force anything. I understand if you don't want even to sleep here in my bed. I just want you to be comfortable."

"I do want. I really do. I'm just... I don't know, maybe afraid."

"Of what?"

I was no model like Natalie. At least she looked like one. But of course I wouldn't mention her, especially in a moment like that. "I think I'm just a bit shy."

He pulled me closer. "I understand. Like over said, I don't want to force anything. If you don't feel comfortable, I-"

I interrupted him. "I feel comfortable with you. I just... Need more time, maybe. I don't know. I'm sorry."