Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

53. It's All Tears

I was trying not to count the days, but it's been a bit more than a month Ville was away, two since I didn't see him. I had nightmares I was forgetting his face, like he was vanishing little by little, and I knew that was my subconscious telling me the truth. He was disappearing from my life.

I didn't call Seppo anymore, and the only news I had on Ville was about the EP that came out. Leena told me a Finnish newspaper had an article saying it had my photos on it.

My mother called and I even thought she was calling me to talk about it, but unfortunately the issue was complicated. My grandmother, that was sick a while ago, probably didn't have much time.

"Your father is very sad, Eve. Do you think you could come back a while? This way you can say goodbye to her."

"Is it that bad?" I knew she was sick but we always hope for the best.

"The doctors didn't give her much time. Nick is coming."

"Alright. I'll talk to my advisor."

I didn't have any problems with it. Dr. Virtanen understood and Henrik as well. "Be there with your family as long as it take it." She said. "You're on schedule and we can Skype as you work on your essay while you are there."

Nick would come to Helsinki and we would travel together to Brazil. I didn't expect to go back so soon, but I really didn't want to be far from my family in a moment like this.

I was glad Nick had the idea of traveling with me. I missed him a lot.

"So, no news on Ville?" He asked.

"No. I didn't call Seppo, Jesse or Mige."

"I saw they released a new EP. It has your name on it. The article I've read was praising your talents."

"Ville made a beautiful, crafty portfolio with my photos from this day. I'll show you someday."

"Hum. How are you dealing with it?"

"I'm numb all the time."

"How's so?" He made a worried expression.

"Medications and denial." I laughed. "Don't worry, nothing illegal. I've created a mechanism to deal with the it. It might fail and explode one day."

Nick was suspicious with my irony and changed the subject. He was telling about a girl he met in Sweden, and I realized I didn't bear to hear romantic stories. My heart was totally poisoned. But I paid attention to him as he as happy about it, I couldn't be selfish with him. He was always there for me.

At the airport, our parents came to pick us up. I missed them so much, especially my father I haven't seen since I was in Helsinki.

"I'm sorry dad. How's she?"

"Enduring. I'm glad you two are here."

I was glad I had time to see her. It could happen anytime, the doctors said, but she looked well. She was strong and always positive. After leaving our stuff home, we went to visit her at the hospital.

I was starting to hate hospitals.

My grandma had the biggest smile when she saw us. It hurt to see her like that, but I did my best to smile back. My older brother was there as well.

"You are so skinny. Aren't you eating well? Where are living? I forgot already." She said, examining my features.

"In Finland, grandma. I'm alright."

She asked how it was the country, I showed her some photos on my cellphone. A photo of me and Ville showed up, I didn't even remember that one. I was suppressing my memories of him. It was a beautiful photo, we were at Suomenlinna.