Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

160. There's no End to the Hurting

Waking up feeling Ville caressing my hair was inimaginable days ago. Not even in my sweetest dreams I could dare to think that such a thing would happen, it felt like a distant, worse, a dead hope.

I didn't turn to him nor open my eyes for a while, I just enjoyed the eerie sensation of his fingers running slowly on my hair. But it didn't last long, as I smiled to myself, giving in, and turned to look at him, he was here, in my arms, it was real. I watched his features: all the creases of worry, his green eyes shining as always, the beard starting to grow, his lips that I adored too much. "Good morning." I inclined to kiss him.

"Huomenta." He said, but he barely smiled. He had melancholic eyes, which made me worried a bit. "What is it?"

He kissed my cheek and inhaled, like he always did. "I'll check Charlie." His voice was heavy from slumber, still waking up.

"She usually knocks on my door when she wakes up, but sure."

He lifted from the bed, dressing himself. I saw last night how skinny he was, but now in daylight I saw it better. He didn't gave me time to admire him, as he walked away from the room as soon as he was fully clothed. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower to refresh myself.

I thought about what happened last night. We didn't use any protection, what was I thinking? I behaved badly when it comes to Ville. And what did this meant? He was here, but we didn't talk, and the look in his eyes worried me. I felt insecure, could I really dream again?

I heard Charlie's happiness to have her father around. That was something that didn't happen, him here at the apartment, and she knew it even if she was confused about having two houses. She was with Ville in the kitchen, showing him where were the things she ate. "It's over there, daddy." He had changed her clothes, I kissed the top of her head. She looked happy to see me and Ville together.

"I'll make some breakfast." I said and Ville held my arm gently. "I'll leave now."

"What? Why?"

"I... I have to."

I looked confused at him, and pulled him by the hand to talk away from Charlie. "What's going on? You don't have to leave like that."

"It's better I go. Charlie can be confused. We can't give her the wrong impression."

"Wrong impression? No, I am confused myself. Explain me." I tried not to sound too mad, but certainly I failed, by the look in his face. He was completely disconcerted.

He sighed, looking away, like he was gathering courage to explain me. I hated the look in his eyes, I just knew it was bad when he looked deeply into mine. "Eve, last night was a mistake. I'm sorry, things didn't change." I had a déjà vu, but an inverse one. I once told him that, a long time ago, but I never forgot it. Was he paying back? No, he wouldn't do that, he wasn't petty.

"How can you say that?" I sounded so hurt he looked at Charlie worried, but she didn't paid attention, as I could hear her still crunching her cereal.

"We will talk later, but for now, I'll leave."

I shook my head. "We won't. We don't have to. What's gonna be your excuse? That you were drunk?"

"I wasn't. You know I wasn't."

"You regret it."

"It's not that."

"You've said it was a mistake."

"I don't regret it. I just... It was wonderful, as always, we both know we have a strong connection, it happened. But... Things will remain like how they were before last night."