Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

156. The Poison Tears of a Life Denied

My cellphone wouldn't stop ringing. I was glad when was Lee, Anna, Leo, wanting to know how I was. Sometimes it was the press wanting an interview, and this lasted a while. They would show up by the door, following me and Charlie, and I never hesitated to scream at them. I didn't had time for bullshit anymore.

I moved out from Paratiisi. It didn't make any sense to stay there, Ville had his studio and the house was ridiculously big, I was still with some back pain and all those stairs didn't help. I rented a flat near the University, Benjamin helped me finding it. We were neighbors now, as he rented a flat in the same building, right above me.

He helped me standing on my feet, figuratively speaking, by offering my job back, even though the classes started already. I was still on routine of therapies but I would give classes in the morning and afternoon, this way I could be at home with Charlie at night.

Ville and I didn't sign the papers yet, but we were already following a schedule because of Charlie. She would spend a week with me, the other at his house. I barely saw him. Seppo would grab Charlie at my house, and when I went to leave her at his, he wouldn't show up. Marie would receive us.

"This is ridiculous." Marie said to me, when she saw me looking at my old place. It didn't change much, it just looked more... Empty.

"What, Marie?"

"This situation between you two. Living apart... Don't you see the harm you're doing to Charlie?"

"Lots of kids grow with divorced parents."

Marie shook her head. "Well, I need to go." Before I left, I turned to her again. "How is he?"

Marie hesitated, shrugging. I found weird she would never tell me something about him, and she looked like she didn't want to talk to me about it. "What? It's just a simple question. I don't see him in a while." A month and a week, to be exactly.

"He's irritated. Gas is injured and they aren't rehearsing, this is not helping his nerves."

"So I've heard. But... How is he in general, I mean, is he... Happy?"

"How can he be happy, Eve?"

It was his choice, goddamn. If he wasn't happy, this had nothing to do with me. Marie looked at me like I was guilty of everything.

I wasn't happy myself, therapy wasn't helping me, nothing did. I felt frustrated all the time. I was hoping this feeling would get better with classes, but my mind was still too full. I was drawned in my problems too deep to pay attention to other life's prospects. I wasn't speaking much to people. Sometimes I heard Benjamin and Milo walking upstairs when he left his apartment to go out, and I was glad he always respected my privacy, but I was always afraid he would knock on my door. He never did that. But sometimes Charlie wanted to stay with Milo, and he left him at our home. He was messy as any big dog, but she was always happy around him, and I realized he helped me feel better as well. I was considering getting a dog now that we wouldn't have any allergies problem around us.

Lee and Mige came to visit me for the first time at my new place. I was glad to see them, but I saw Mige was a bit tense. They came for dinner, this week Charlie was at Ville's. I realized they were a bit strange around me.

"Okay, what is it? Just say it."

They looked at each other. "Uh, Eve, here's the thing. Me and Mige, we are going to get married."

"What? Oh wow!" I ran to hug Lee, I was so happy for them. I hugged Mige as well, and he let out his funny laughter. It was strange to see him. He was such a dear friend in my dreams, he wasn't so different in real life. He was always by my side in gigs, always making me feel more comfortable.