Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

172. No Hearts Beat in Vain

When the doctor gave me the anesthesia, I felt a bit sleepy and he said it was fine for me to rest a bit before the surgery. I maybe slept for half hour so tired I was.

Ville was worried again about him passing out during my procedure. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I tranquilized him, but he shook his head. "No, I won't leave you in this moment, for nothing."

"Are you sure, dear?"

"I will stay with you, no matter what." He smiled kindly, I was grateful. His presence gave me peace and tranquility that everything would be fine.

When the time came, they took me to the surgery room and Ville was dressed in surgical pyjamas. "This green suits you. It matches with your eyes." I said and he chuckled. He kissed the top of my head, I wasn't feeling anything now. The doctors explained me everything, but I started to feel a bit detached from that room. I was conscious, but a bit confused. I had to struggle to concentrate, wondering if that was normal. I heard Ville's voice very far away, snapping when he touched my face. "Kulta, are you alright? Talk to me."

"I am, sorry."

"Eve, we are about to start. Are you ready?"

"Yes." The doctor was checking my vitals, when everything was a blur. "Eve? Eve?"

"Kulta?" I opened my eyes, and squeezed Ville's hand.

"I'm fine."

"Her blood pressure lowered a bit." I was anxious, feeling weird. For a moment everything looked like a dream and I had a feeling I wasn't there, I wasn't myself. I don't know for how long I was dettached from reality. It was time, finally. I was nervous but Ville's gentle smile calmed me down.

"I'm ready."

"We are about to start. Anything strange you might feel, let us know." I knew it was a normal thing for the doctor to say, but in general nothing is normal with me. I had a feeling something would go wrong, and I held myself not to cry. I had to remember Ville's words, who was by my side not knowing where to look. His eyes switched to my face, always giving me a reassuring smile under the mask, and then to the monitors, to the doctor's expression. He couldn't see further down as there was a screen separating us. He didn't need to see that part.

I squeezed his hand and he turned to me. "Kulta? You can talk to me."

"I know."

"You're so quiet I'm worried." He gently caressed my hair. "Dylan is coming."

"I'm afraid." I gasped. "I'm afraid something will go wrong."

"No no no, dear, no." Ville kissed my forehead, wiping my tears. "He's fine, and so are you. You're the strongest person I know, don't be afraid, everything will be fine. I won't let anything happen to you both, and nor the doctors."

The doctors said they would start the procedure and my heart beat increased. Now I felt Ville was also apprehensive, he was squeezing my hand harder and probably didn't realize it. I didn't feel anything, of course, I was completely numb on my lower body part, but I was imagining what was going on. What if something was wrong with Dylan, that's why he didn't turn? Yes, this was normal, but again, my life was never normal. Was he really okay? I didn't mind myself, he had to come to this world well. And what world he would know? So many things passed by my mind on so little time.

I just realized what was going on when I heard Ville gasping by my side. He saw him before I did. My heart accelerated, but I didn't hear Dylan cry. Why wasn't him crying?

I looked up as the doctor lifted my baby, so small and wrinkled. He wasn't moving, or was he? My eyes were filling with tears and I couldn't see proper. The nurse was cleaning him and I tried to move, when the doctor warned me not to. "Easy Eve, calm down. We still have to finish here. But here's your baby boy."