Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

86. The Heartless

Eve went home reluctantly, she was afraid I would do something stupid, she didn't use that word though, but in the end she trusted me. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight, I was very angry. I didn't tell her, but the magazines were saying Eve tried to kill herself probably because she found out I cheated on her and was having a baby with Natalie. A true soap opera, a very bad tasteful one.

I didn't have Natalie's number anymore, so I went to her house. I just hoped she still lived there. She used to live in an apartment near my dad's store. I even thought of going there, but I was focused. I had to solve this.

I knocked once, twice, many times. I was hearing some noise inside. Maybe I forgot and was in the wrong apartment. But I was sure, I recognized the ornament at the door. After a while, Joan opened it, she was a French friend of hers that lived there.

"Hey, Joan. Is Natalie in there?"

"Ville. How are you, chérie?" She kissed me on the cheek, twice, like the French people did. "Hum, yes, I'll see if she can see you."

"I'm sorry Joan, but she will." I made myself welcomed, passing by Joan and she complained in French. "Natalie." I called her.

"Hey, you can't get inside like this." Joan complained.

I stopped, it was so odd. "When Love and Death Embrace" was playing in the house.

It was weird to be here again. We didn't have good moments in this place. I didn't think much in the consequences of coming back, it was like stepping into a void. We used to spend more time here, than in the tower. Nothing changed much. It wasn't too big, but we were always so wasted we didn't care much for anything.

The difference is that I didn't see booze around, nor empty cans and bottles, which was good if she was really pregnant. That's how we used to live those days. I knew Natalie used some drugs as well, but I never cared. But I worried about it if she was having a baby. Being here depressed me. She still had a painting on the wall I did for her, and for some reason that broke my heart a bit.

I remembered we fighting all the time. I broke her windows countless times, throwing things on it. I was lucky I never hit anybody. I fought with her neighbours, they all moved out. I didn't know how badly she act on them, so when I witnessed they being pissed off with her, I just stood by her, naturally. One of them tried to punch me once. I never knew how she could manage to stay living in there, everybody complained of her behaviour.

I knew Natalie after a gig in Scotland. Somehow she ended up in our backstage. She knew a lot of people from musical industry. It was a bit surprising to know a French girl that also lived in Helsinki. I remember I was missing home, we were on a long tour and talking to her that day made me feel better. Many people told me she had an eye for me for a very long time.

I wasn't sure what attracted me to her. She is an attractive woman, I think her 'frenchness' was a bonus as well, I always thought it was elegant and beautiful. She was sweet when I knew her, sometimes I wondered if she was just pretending, hiding her feist nature. But we both had erratic behaviours back then. I was drinking heavily, I was severely depressed and having bad thoughts. She was, too. Somehow our pains connected and it amplified, instead of helping it vanish.
We were never good to each other, I always knew that, but we kept going until we teared each other apart.

She used to fight with fans during meetings, or even when I encountered them in the street, it was very problematic. Or she would fight with me afterwards, saying I hugged a girl too much, or that I smiled at someone a bit different. She slapped me so many times, thank goodness she was super skinny and didn't had any fighting skills like Eve. Seppo always had to interfere, I could bet he preferred mine and Eve's nowadays adventures than Natalie's episodes. She hit Mige in the face once because of a joke, but the worst was when she made me fight with him because she lied he had hit on her. It nearly cost the band, and my friendship with him. She knew Mige was always trying to open my eyes to the true Natalie's nature. After that we split, but we came back after I had a really bad day, it was always this rollercoaster. We would broke up in a day, in two days we were back together.