Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

41. Let's Fall Apart Together

I woke up and I saw Ville sat by the end of the bed, his Poe tattoo looking at me. I went to him, kissing his shoulder. He didn't turn, and I smelled something different on him. I looked at the floor and saw two small empty bottles of whisky and a beer, probably from the mini bar. My heart sank when I saw his expression. He looked so helpless. 

I caressed his hair. "Ville?" 

"I couldn't sleep. I tried the old way." He mumbled.

He had a beer can in his hand. It was eight in the morning, for god's sake. I took it from his hand, he didn't protest, and I also took the bottles from the ground, throwing it all away. I didn't want to give him a lecture, but I was angry, mostly sad. He didn't look at me.

"So? Did it help you in any way? You don't seem like you've got some sleep."

"Guess not. They don't have enough beers."

"Well, why did you do it anyway?" He finally looked at me, then looked away when he saw my expression. 

"Remember when I said you deserved better?"

"I remember you telling me yesterday you wanted to give me your best."

"I think I failed, then." He was confused and a bit drunk. 

"I'll get you a strong coffee."

He tried to get up, but he felt dizzy. "I'm sorry. Kulta, I'm sorry." He held my hand. 

"I'll be right back." I left him sit on the bed.

I dressed myself quickly and went downstairs probably looking like a mess. I asked for two coffees and some water. I was relieved I didn't meet anyone on the way. When I was back, Ville was in the same position. "Here. Drink this, you'll feel better." He obeyed, and made a face, although he loved coffee. I left the bottle of water for him as well. 

I sat on the floor, facing him. He had that empty stare that froze my soul. 

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" I asked.

"What? No. Why?"

"Because if you don't remember, that's what almost happened to you, because of the drinking. Heart failure, remember?"

"Oh. I forgot about that part." He had an ironic tone in his voice.

"I don't wanna fight with you, so I'll be downstairs. I'm having breakfast, if you want, I'll be there." I went to the bathroom first, brushed my hair and my teeth, washed my face and changed my clothes. I picked my cellphone and my jacket. He glanced at me leaving the room. I was a bit worried of leaving him alone, but there wasn't any drinks left in the mini bar anyway.

I just ordered a coffee, I had no appetite. I replied some messages, Leena was a bit worried she didn't hear from me. I didn't had the courage to tell her anything, though. Probably she was in touch with Mige, but he wouldn't say anything as well. I also replied to Anna that no, I wasn't engaged to Ville. 

I was checking my Facebook and there were pictures of yesterday's concert. A French metal magazine wrote that Ville had a moment of rage, throwing his mic on the floor and that he performed probably drunk. That wasn't true. I was getting worry with him, but maybe he needed a time alone. Then I checked my e-mail and I instantly regret it.

There was an e-mail from Phil. What did he want? The day was promising. I decided to read it anyway, I was too curious to let it go. He was asking how I was doing in Finland, that he was worried about my well being and speaking regularly with my mom. What the hell. He asked me if I was really engaged to Ville Valo and I laughed out loud. Of course I wouldn't reply to him. I couldn't care less for what he was thinking.