Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

188. Libation for Failure

I hope it didn't become a habit that Viktor had to bring me home. In fact, I hoped this was the last time. I was extremely tired that I almost closed my eyes when I sat.
He didn't start the car right away. "Is there something wrong?" I asked him. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible.

"Miss, I'm really sorry for what happened to you. Matthias told me in a rush what happened, and knowing how Sascha is, I can imagine how cruel he was to you." Viktor had a very severe tone, it even worried me.

"Yeah. But I don't want to talk about it now, please."

"Miss, we're all in deep trouble now." Not a good sign if he was that worried. "Please be careful. Leave Finland for a while."

"I can't. Things don't work like this for me."

"It's for your own safety."

"Matthias made a deal with him."

"Yeah, but..."

"He told me what you do. You, and him. It's very honourable."

"What are you talking about?" Viktor seemed surprised.

"He told me you two help women in need."

"Ah, he told you that? It's just a way to... maybe feel a bit better. We couldn't not do it. But... We also have many sins, miss."

"Like what?"

"You don't want to know." He finally started the engine.

Fine by me. I wasn't on my better mental state to listen to mafia stories, not especially after seeing it with my own eyes. And I had to think about an excuse when arriving at home, but I had none. I knew Marie would scowl at me.

"Here you go. Miss, good luck."

"You too, Viktor. And thank you again. Will I see you sometime soon?"

"I'm not sure. I hope so, at least." Viktor grinned at me, but got serious. "Hey, miss. Lay low, next days. Sascha will let people now he's the new boss in town. The police, the whole city. Be careful."

Just great.

I tried to be silent, since I arrived barefoot and had a bag with my wet boots. But I encountered Marie in the kitchen, Dylan on her lap. "Where were you? Ville is already gone." Marie was in a state between angry and worried.

"I know."

"What happened to you?" I tried to look fine, but I didn't look much at her, fearing she would see my bruises.

"Where is Charlie?"

"In her room."

"I'll talk to her first, we can talk later." I quickly kissed Dylan's head, before Marie would ask me anything further.

I went to my bedroom first. To see it empty, without some of Ville's stuff, made me deeply sad. It wasn't his stuff missing, it was his essence. I didn't feel connected to him any more, that was the saddest of all. I knew how much I hurt him by not being here, and I couldn't even tell him the truth.

I checked myself in the mirror. I had bags under my eyes, scratches on arms and body. I was shaking, and not because of the cold now. I was done. Enough living like that, this wasn't living. I had to do something about it, but what?

Charlie was devastated that Ville left. I tried explained he was sick but we couldn't visit whenever we wanted. It was too much for a kid to understand and face so many issues. To see her suffering, that was the drop missing to overflow my state.

Enough.

My family didn't deserve such a thing. I kept thinking it was a mistake, coming to Finland, building a family. They didn't deserve such suffering, I had to end this with me. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a future. How many times did I ditch death? Life was telling me something, I should stop to listen.

"Eve, Anna is here." Marie said, knocking on my door. She entered right away, as she always did. She caught me in tears, and I complained.

"You have to learn to knock."

"I knocked."

"Then you have to learn to wait for an answer."

"Eve, what's going on? Why weren't you here? Ville needed you. You should have seen his state."

"No offence Marie, this is between me and him."

"Anyway, are you coming downstairs to see Anna or not?"

"Tell her I can't right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Marie. Please." Maybe it was the way I looked at her or my state, she didn't discuss further. But when I thought I would have some peace, the door opened again, but this time it was Anna.

"If you think you're going to ditch me every time, you're wrong."

"Anna, please. Not a good moment."

"You've been ignoring me and it's enough. What's going on, Eve? Aren't we friends any more?" She sat on the bed, next to me.

"I'm exhausted."

"Ville said you weren't here, all night. Are you okay? You look awful."

"I'm far from being okay, I need some rest. Please, Anna."

"I can't even imagine what you're going through, but... Eve, why do I have the feeling that you're hiding something?"

"It's nothing. I'm just tired." I laid and closed my eyes, hoping Anna would leave. She stayed in silence, which is a rare thing for her. But she didn't leave, which made me wonder what would come next.

"I'm not going to insist, but... I need to ask. Is there something going on with that mafia dude?"

"Like what? What are you suggesting?"

"You know you can tell me anything. Not here to judge."

"I'm sorry, Anna. It's been a lot and I want to be by myself. Please."

"Eve, it's just makes me sad that you're clearly suffering but you shut down completely."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I gave her a smile. I tried my best to really look slightly better, but I had no idea how messy I was. "I just need time to rest now. Okay?"

"Were you with him last night? The mafia guy?"

"Yeah." I didn't lie because it would be worse. "It's just... He now understands me better than anyone because he saw what happened to me."

"This is dangerous, Eve. You're too close to him."

"I know how to take care of myself. He's not a bad person, Anna. But I know the danger of it."

"I hope you really know."

"I'm sorry I've been a bad friend."

"It's not that, I'm just worried about you. It's been a lot and I don't even know how to help you. You know, it was easier when we had to deal with bad boyfriends only."

"Yeah, I wished life was only about romantic disillusions. But I'm sure everything will be fine."

Now, I was lying. No, it wouldn't. Inside, I was desperate thinking about the next steps I would take.

First, I had to try to see Ville. I called the clinic he was in, and asked to speak to his doctor. The psychiatrist didn't recommend me to go, but I explained I had to see him soon. My trip to Russia was soon, and god knows what would happen to me. I had to see him before this cursed trip.
The doctor agreed with a short meeting, if Ville also agreed. He did, but the doctor allowed the meeting only in 3 days. I didn't have this time.

But I also couldn't leave like that. I couldn't do that to Ville. I couldn't contact Sascha either, I didn't have any number. Maybe I knew where to find him, but now things were way different, no way I would go to the club.

So I skipped the trip, knowing it wasn't the best idea. I didn't leave home that day, just watching our surroundings in the camera. I didn't take Charlie to school, anything.