Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

54. Lose you Tonight

We stood in silence a while. I motioned for us to sit. "Mige told me about your grandmother. I'm so sorry."

Sadness crossed her face and I almost held her. I wished I was there to help her cope with it. I wished I had known her grandma. So many things I wished it was different.

"Yeah, I flew to Brazil, and at least I could spend some days with her. She was sick, always on a hospital bed. But she had a great life."

I nodded. She was looking down at her hands, and she seemed shy or uncomfortable. I glanced around, Leena waved and I smiled at her. Mige had a concerned look and I winked at him. I wanted to ask more about her grandma, she always spoke about her with a big smile, always telling me "you have to meet her" and thinking I didn't, made me feel an overwhelming sadness.

"And how are you?" She asked, still looking at her hands, and I waited to answer until she raised her eyes. She looked deeply into mine, analyzing me, her eyes moving fast. "I'm doing fine." I smiled at her and she nodded. "I'm in better shape, I'm sleeping well again which is very important."

"You've gained weight."

"Yep. I just got out because I completed the program and I felt really good about myself, physical and mentally speaking."

"I'm glad to know, Ville." She had a gentle smile and my heart raced to hear my name on her lips. "I'm really happy to see you well. You've got us all worried."

"I know. And I'm sorry about it. I'm sorry about many things, Eve." I wanted to pour my heart out to her, I just didn't know how. Leena was approaching us with the baby. "Do you wanna hold her, Eve?"

"Oh, sure. She's so small I'm even afraid." Leena helped Eve hold the baby girl and it was so sweet to see it. Eve was amazed by the baby and I got heartbroken. I wouldn't last this night like that, seeing her was too much. I didn't think it would be easy, but it was a sweet misery. At the same time I was enjoying being close to her. She looked so beautiful, wearing different clothes from her darker ones.

"Hello, little one. Welcome to the world." She was so lovely holding the baby, I had the biggest smile looking at her. I saw it when Burton snapped a picture of us together. Mige laughed when he saw the photo and I gave him a harsh look. I got up to pick something to drink.

"You are not helping, Mige."

"Your stupid face looking at Eve says it all. Goddamn, V. Just fix things with her."

"I'm nervous. It's too much." I was out of breath, I picked my asthma medication.

"Jesus, Ville. You're shaking. I see nothing changed between you two. I mean, not for you."

"You have no idea. I missed her so much I can't stand to be near her now, it hurts. But I fucked up everything, Mige."

"But it's not beyond redemption."

"I don't know about that. I have to talk to her, but here is not the place."

Mige nodded. I went to play with Lara a little. She pointed to the baby. "You wanna see the baby, Lara?" I got up, picking Lara and went near Eve again. She looked up to us, and smiled to see Lara in my arms. "Look at the baby, Lara. She's sleeping." I told her.

"I don't know how Eve managed to make her sleep so quickly." Leena said. Poor Leena, she looked worn out.

"She must have been tired." Eve said in a whisper.

"Do you want me to hold her?" Leena asked.

"Let her sleep a little. I don't mind."

"Eve is practicing." Burton said and I felt my face burn. I saw Eve's face was turning red. Leena gave Burton a harsh look and he shrugged. Eve just stared at the baby, as if she didn't listen to it. I gave Lara back to Gas, and I went to the kitchen to see if Burton needed help.