Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

158. Surrender To Despair

I was becoming a true Finnish, when I started avoiding Benjamin at the corridor of my building at all costs. If I heard him going downstairs at the same time I was about to leave home, I would wait. Sometimes he sent me messages asking me if I wanted a ride to the Uni, but some days I would leave earlier than him, and some I would go later. I would never pass by his office, until he showed up by the end of my class.

The students were leaving and he walked inside, seating on the desk while I gathered my stuff. "Hi." He said, and I looked at him. "Hello, I'm sorry, I am a bit late. Charlie has her first swimming class today."

"Okay." He raised from the table, and looked serious. "Are you angry at me?"

"Angry? No, of course not."

"What is it then?"

I looked sideways. "Can we talk later? I don't want to talk about this here. And I really have to go."

"You're right. This is not a place for that but it's because I don't see you anymore."

"I... I've been busy."

"Okay. Well, I'd like to talk to you some other time. When you're not busy."

"Right. Will do. See you later." I almost flew from the room, I was really late but of course it was not just that. My heart beat faster to see Benjamin, I still didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like to think he wanted to talk about us. I wished he just let things happen. I felt a bit suffocated by so many feelings.

Ville would take Charlie to the swimming class, but he's allergic to chlorine so I had to be there, but I wanted to see Charlie's first class anyway. She was so excited about it. I had my bag and ran inside, I saw some small kids preparing themselves. I looked around, trying to find Charlie and I saw her with Ville. It was the first time I saw him after the fashion show episode, and it's been a while.

"Hi." They were both sitting, waiting. He immediately got up. "I'm sorry I am late."

"It's okay, it didn't started yet, but maybe you should hurry." He gave me a crooked smile, I didn't know if I should kiss him, and then Charlie stumbled on my leg. She was fully dressed already, wearing a bathrobe and looked so cute. "Oh dear, you look so great, are you excited?" I bent down to give her a kiss.

"I am scared, it's a lot of water." Charlie pointed to swimming pool, where other kids were having classes, bigger ones. "I'll be with you all the time, so don't worry. And you'll have your floaters."

"I'll be there watching you as well." Ville caressed her hair.

"Well, I'm gonna change myself." Ville nodded, and pointed to the place I should go.

No matter how nervous I would be around Benjamin, with Ville was something else. I just didn't know how to act around him. Every time I spent a while without seeing him, would be always a shock in every encounter. No one ever made me feel that way, it was hurtful but also it would always be joyful to see him smiling at me, no matter the situation.

Some story about me, him and Ruby was around but I didn't look for it. Lee told me a magazine interviewed Ruby, I asked her not to tell me, I wanted to be far away from her as possible, physical and mentally.

And there was also Natalie. She was on TV now, I saw her the other day. It was a silly gossip celebrity show, and she spoke about me and Ville. Some other people on the show was asking if she was back with Ville, that they were seen together in the fashion show. She didn't gave an objective answer, and said my story with Ville was like a fairy tale, that we've been through a lot and people would still see a lot else going on. I didn't expect that answer, she said in a way like she was even rooting for us. Well, that answered if she was with him or not. I felt relieved, but for no reason. Ville was alone but that didn't mean we would be back together anyway.