Razorblade Romance (Ville Valo Fanfic)

1. Coincidences

A fresh start.

That's all I wanted, what I needed. And came after it in Helsinki, Finland. What I was doing so far from home? I was telling myself it was for my career, my professional future.

I know I was lying to myself. I just needed to get away from my country, from my old life.

The end of my longest relationship just transformed my life. We had all planned - we we're going to marry in nine months. I've met Phil when I was only sixteen, had a big crush on him since day one, but we only got together four years later, when I was already at the Uni. Our story lasted five years. But those were five difficult years.

Now I'm twenty-six and trying to figure it out who I really am, and what I'm going to do with my life.

Most funny thing is, I always thought I had everything under control. Like I'm not one of these people that lose yourself when a relationship comes to an end. I was terribly wrong. I felt lost all the time, in such a huge despair. Which I find it ridiculous, but I wasn't getting any better.

Phil had depression for years, which dragged him to hell many, many times. I don't blame him at all, I supported him all the time, the least I could do as his partner. But he relapsed by not taking his pills, by not going to therapy, he didn't accept his problem. He had trouble forgetting and overcoming his past - well, his first love. I lived under her shadow during those five years. Always with fear he would leave, always insecure about our lives. Pathetic, I know.

At some point, I just realized he was selfish. I do know how mental health is important, but he didn't care for me, just used me as a support. I was his best friend, the person he could always count on and he took advantage of it. He cheated, lied, and dragged me down to hell with him.

I just needed to get better. I was destroyed, but mainly because it was hard to realize I lost five precious years of my life, devoting it to someone and I would never recover this time back. It was a bitter feeling. I just couldn't think of anything good about this relationship in the end, which was sad, But also, a relief to see I finally sought my way out of it.

That's when I had an opportunity to initiate my master's degree in Finland. It was perfect: I love the cold, it was far away from everything that would remind me of Phil and it would be good for my career as a researcher.

I was doing okay with the change. Finland was a weird country, and damn, it was colder than I expected. Coming from a tropical country like Brazil didn't help me. But this country was also breathtaking. Lovely sights, people were reserved but always willing to help you. I didn't know Finnish yet but I was willing to learn. Fortunately I could do my research and watch my classes in English for now.

Today was Saturday, so I woke up early to grab a coffee at where was already one of my favorite places in Helsinki: Café Vanille. It was so cozy and charming, I always felt like I was in a Jane Austen's book. I liked to read and enjoy a coffee with cake, and today was one of those days. I was never bothered by anyone, Finns are very discreet and that was truly a blessing for an introvert like me.

I was reading a French collection of Edgar Allan Poe. I was studying French before I left Brazil, and this was a way of keeping it fresh. Bit silly to keep studying French instead of learning Finnish, maybe. But I was waiting to enroll for classes, since they offered those at the University. For now, I could concentrate in French a bit.

I was so absorbed by the 'Le Chat Noir' story that I couldn't tell for how long those pair of eyes were staring at me. I could feel them over me, to the point I was getting uncomfortable already with the idea. I slowly put down the book and absently minded looked at the menu at the wall, behind the counter, looking past those pair of eyes. I could feel he was still looking at me.