The Glory of Them [Bastille Fanfiction]

You're The Only Reason I'm Here

Nicole POV

A month ago I flew back to London. I was tired of LA, I missed home. I never stopped to see you or anyone for that matter. I planned on flying back out for good. Drown myself in my sorrows. Yet I never got the chance. I sighed and flicked on the tv of my hotel room before setting up my line of coke to cease my shaking. My nose ached, yesterday it wouldn't stop bleeding. Yet by some miracle I looked together.

" This morning Nicole Clark was apparently found dead from a car accident with Jesse Rutherford. The two were previously a couple and on their way through the canyons. However the vehicle lost control and they two were killed instantly as the car rolled down the cliff. We wanna wish the best to their families and friends during this difficult time." I scoffed and shook my head before calling up Jesse while getting ready in attempt to make myself look alive. Tan slacks and a black blouse even doing my hair in the process.

"Niks this better be good...."

"Flick on the telly." I heard some fumbling around and Dev's voice before laughter.

"You've gotta be fucking me! What?! That's hilarious, do they know you're not in a LA?"

"Apparently not. Post something I'll post something too. I don't need a shit ton of people calling to check in on me. Sorry for waking you two."

"Its alright. How are you feeling?" I shrugged to myself and sighed.

"I'm surviving so that counts for something... And you?"

"I'm working on it a day at a time. Dev and I love ya... Take care call me soon okay?"

"Love you guys too... And I will. Bye." I hung up and thought nothing of it. I downed a shot of whiskey and walked to the door, getting in my car down in the parking garage and driving off. It was only when I passed our old place did I panic. Police everywhere. Will standing outside. "No..." I didn't even stop. I drove straight to the hospital, parking my car right at the front door. I didn't care if they towed me. I needed to know you were okay. At least alive. "Miss, where is Dan Smith's room?!"

"Ma'am you need to calm down."

"That's my bloody fiancée now where the fuck is he?!" I glared in her eyes as she then looked down at her clip board.

"Room 207 but he can't have guests yet." I ignored her and walked to the elevator. Little did I know Janna and Kyle were in the waiting room on the other side of the building. My hands were shaking as I got to your room and opened the door.

It hit me like a brick wall seeing you like this. Months of burying you deep inside it all came flooding out. I closed the door and sat beside your bed, gripping your hand. You had badges on your wrists and throat, your skin was pale. You were thin and your hair untamed. This was my fault. You were here because of me.

" Dan...?" I brought your hand up to my cheek and closed my eyes. You smelled the same. Your skin was still soft against mine. You were still you. Meanwhile I was this awful person. Fueled by drugs and alcohol. "You're the only reason I'm here... The only reason I'm still alive... And I need you to wake up handsome... I need to see your beautiful blue eyes babe." I opened my eyes and laid your hand back down, placing my head against your thigh as I played with your finger tips. My tears dripping against your blanket. I couldn't stop bouncing my legs from the drugs in my system. Already I wanted more. Yet being here for you outweighed that need. "All their words for glory...Well they always sounded empty...When we're looking up for heaven...Looking up for heaven...And way down here upon the ground...When we're lying in the dirt....There's no looking up for heaven...Looking up for heaven" I heard the door creak open and Janna gasped with tears in her eyes as I lifted my head and looked at her.

"You're alive!"

" Yeah I was here in London... It was fake..." I stood and let your hand go for a moment. She yanked me into a hug, her arms feeling so warm. I hadn't felt another person in months. She pulled away and looked at my features.

"You're still sick....?" She whispered it and I lowered my eyes. Her fingers running along my neck. Those were scars. I hadn't stuck a needle in my body for months. Now it was pills. My attempt at getting better. She looked down at the inside of my elbows, baring the same tiny white dot scars.

"I'm getting better... I wasn't... I wasn't gonna stay in London... I didn't want you to see me like this... I stopped using as much... I was... I was gonna come say bye to Dan, but then I saw the news and... I passed our old place, I saw Will and I came straight here." She nodded and soon Kyle pulled me into a hug.

"Don't go... We're here to help... But you need to be here for him..." I nodded and soon we all sat down looking onto you and awaiting your eyes to open. Hours pasted and it seemed like forever. Until once again I was alone with you, fending off my demons to go use. To ease my pain. Yet your fingers twitched slightly before your eyelids raised and dropped a few times. Like a deer in headlights you froze seeing me.

"Nicole?"

"Yes?"

"Am I dead? I mean you're dead... And I'm seeing you..." I shook my head and took your hand giving it a squeeze.

" No you're not... We're not. It was fake... Just the gossip news causing trouble." It was then that you broke down into tears and sat up, pulling me into your embrace. Your head against my chest as I ran my fingers through your hair. You were trembling more than me right now. As if months of pain pooled right before me.

"Don't go..."

"I'm not going anywhere Daniel.... I promise." I felt my eyes well with tears and closed them as I sat up holding you together. I had my own demons you would soon find out. There was no hiding what I was in the end. For now I had to hold myself together long enough to fix you.