The Glory of Them [Bastille Fanfiction]

Her Words

Dan POV

"Dan?"

" In here Kyle!" I yelled from the kitchen, managing to cook myself a decent meal. Chicken of course. I glanced to him as he walked in the room, holding a journal.

"I've just got something to drop off. Janna picked it up. She said you might wanna read it." He shrugged, sitting the book down. I plated my food before grabbing it then glancing back at him. "I gotta go!" A goofy grin crossed his face before he rushed out as I sighed.

"Your uncle Kyle is crazy..." I glanced to Clara who was sitting in her high chair eating bits of chicken then grinning.

"Crazy!"

"Exactly..." I sighed and sat down at the table taking a bite of food before opening the page. My heart sunk. Your hand writing graced the page, marks where tears had landed blurred some of the words.

Nameless #52

I wonder if I'll ever feel something again. His eyes were like pools of mud and beard in disarray. While rich he looked like a twat. His personality was anything but exciting. I could compare it to a clowns as he was the only one to laugh at his own jokes. The more he drank the worse he got. His grip grew rough until he had left a mark. My arm is decorated with these colorful bruises. They nearly match the ones from yesterday.
Who am I kidding. I'm no better than these fools. I sleep around to feel numb from Dan. Yet I sleep with these abusive men almost to seek out pain. To seek out the numbness after the punches. Looking at my wedding ring feels like a hot coal never to leave my finger and forever leave a mark. Yet being sober from drunks and alcohol has never felt so awful. I sort of hope it's a good punishment for myself. I should stop this... Just drink until this liver gives out yet I think a part of me hopes I see you again... Here I go saying you instead of Dan. I know you'll never read these. You hate me too much. Don't come home. Don't come near Clara. Don't call me. I don't want to see you... I don't want to even hear your voice.I wish I'd never fallen for you because I was a damn fool Nicole. You can send the divorce papers, but I won't sign them... I want you to live with what you did. I want you to live carrying my last name and feeling so shameful... Clara won't even know you... I fucking have these words memorized because I listen to it every day. To remind myself why I feel this way. I keep having these dreams that Clara doesn't even know who I am when I see her... Then again I never will see her. I'll see my husband again either.

My eyes blurred with tears. I stopped reading and flicked through the pages. The last entry was today. The handwriting shaky yet no tears. I read through it before closing the book and brushing the tears from my eyes. This house never felt so empty Niks. I finished my dinner before going through the nightly ritual with Clara and putting her to sleep. Yet instead of going to bed myself I walked downstairs and grabbed a cloth. I dusted off the piano and grabbed my book and pen.

"So her fingers ran away with themselves
'Till everything was documented
Our mind it was reaching out
To put into words what their bodies had done
They lie together, oh
Oil on water
And they lie upon her, oh
Someone's daughter
It's a catalogue of modern mistakes
Her words and legs wrapped around each man
Leaving stories like digital crumbs
As she turns these nights into literature..." I stopped playing to see Clara standing at the top of the stairs she knew better than to attempt them alone. Though she had now managed to escape her crib.

"Daddy?"

"What are you doing up?" She shrugged and I chuckled, walking up the stairs and picking up her up.

"Daddy?... Sings to me?"

"Not today sweetie. I'll sing tomorrow." She huffed and placed her head on my chest as I carried her back to her room.

"Does... Mummy sings?"

"Yes sweetie... She's got a beautiful voice."

"I miss... her...." Here she was missing you and yet only ever saw pictures. I laid her in her crib before kissing her forehead. Slowly I walked out and closed the door.

"I miss her too." I mumbled before sitting at the top of the stairs and twisting my wedding band. "I miss her like crazy..." A few minutes later I walked downstairs and grabbed the journal and a cup of tea before settling on the sofa. It was like reading short stories. Yeah they were about nights with other men yet there was never a compliment to them. Every story ended with you talking to me or about Clara. It was almost comical at points. Yet with each page I missed you more. The book smelled of your perfume slightly and your hand writing made me trace its perfect cursive lines. I pulled my phone out and took a deep breath while it rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kyle I need a favour."

" Dan it's two in the bloody morning mate."

"I'm sorry but... I need to see /her/." I swallowed the lump in my throat before blinking away the tears. " How is she? How's Nicole?" It felt so good to say your name. Yet I hadn't even mentioned you to anyone but Clara in the past eight months.

"She's surviving like you... A few guys roughed her up recently so she's a bit bruised... A bit skinny then you last remember her..."

"Has she asked about me?"

"More than once of course... She's asked about Clara..." I laughed slightly yet tears slid down my cheeks.

" Yeah... Kyle can you and Janna get her to meet me? Please?" He sighed slightly.

"Yeah Dan... We'll see what we can do. Now I'm going back to sleep. Night mate."

"Night." I hung up and laid down on the sofa, glancing to the picture on the table. What I would do to see your face right now.