The Glory of Them [Bastille Fanfiction]

She's Not at Peace

Dan POV

You left late last night to get my things and returned later after I was fast asleep. After what Janna said last night I knew that you'd been trying to fight this consuming addiction. Like a mistress it kept coaxing you back with its sweet bliss. You were laying in a funny way. Your butt in the chair yet your head on my bed beside my legs. Your skin was tanned from the California sun, yet the little specks on your neck and inner arms stood out in this hospital lighting. Your lips were plump and pink and hair tamed perfectly.

"Why are you staring?" You mumbled, opening your eyes slightly and awarding me with a smile. I felt my cheeks heat up and all I managed was a shrug.

"I haven't seen you in months... I'm burning your features back into my brain." You sat up right and held your head for a moment, squeeze your eyes shut. "Are you alright?"

"yeah I'm alright... I will be at least... From well... Using I get awful headaches in the morning." You opened your eyes slightly and let go of your head.

"I know you'll be able to quit." Your response to that was a shrug as you dug in your purse for that orange container filled with your release. It didn't take you but a few seconds to take two from the bottle and swallow them.

"That's a demon I can't face right now. I've got a meeting with Williams this evening with Janna and all of you." A sigh escaped from your lungs as you stood and wandered to my bag, digging through the articles of clothes. "Wanna get changed and I'll take you home? You can shower and get some rest." I nodded slowly and started to stand, my head spinning as the blood rushed to my brain. You heard me stumble and quickly grabbed my arm to steady me. " You okay?"

" Yeah." I mumbled, taking in your features up close. I placed my hand on your cheek, your skin was cold under my touch. You let me enjoy this small moment, leaning into my touch and placing your hand on mine. "What's this? What are we?" I whispered my words, watching as your eyes opened, the moment over. You handed me my clothes and sighed.

"I don't know Dan... You're a great guy... You are and.... I love you."

"But?"

" But how can you forgive the shit I did out there when I can't even forgive myself?" I slipped into my jeans in front of you and grabbed the Swiss lips shirt from your hand. It was a topic I was pushing down. The fact that someone else knew you so well. He knew how your face looked when you were happy and sad. He knew how your body felt in his arms. How your lips tasted and the intoxicating scent of vanilla that clung to your skin.

"I just can..." It spilled from my mouth as I looked at you. "Things didn't feel right without you..." I was puddy in your hands. If you called I would come. The power you had over me was scary. "Even if I wanted to hate you... For how I felt... I couldn't. That wasn't you."

" It was me... Just a bad side of me." You grabbed my duffle bag and motioned to the door. "Come on... I have to sign you out." You didn't want to carry on the conversation it was obvious. I followed after you, Will was waiting near the nurses station, taking the bag from you. "Can I sign Mr. Smith's paper work?"

"Of course...." The lady nearly glared at you while grabbing the paper work. "I suggest following the doctors guidelines for his medication." You chuckled slightly and took the clip board, signing your name away.

" Ah well..." You handed the clip board back. "I suggest you go fuck yourself. Good day." People either hated or loved you. You were a rebel and a business woman. Like a two faced person. You followed behind Will, clicking away on your phone as we walked to the car. Surprisingly you sat in the back with me while he drove.

" You okay?"

"That's the question I should be asking you love." You laughed slightly before shrugging. "I'm alive. It's more than I've been in awhile. I'm twenty five and I barely remember the last six months of my life."

"What did you do for your birthday." You shook your head, a goofy smile on your face as it heated red.

"I do not thing you want to know. Trust me. Though I can say I found some stuff, took the stuff, and swore up and down that trees were moving." I chuckled slightly as did Will. " It was pretty scary and cool at the same time."

"You'll have to tell me more about life in America."

"I will one day." You glanced at me with a slight smile. We pulled up to the building and you lead the way. Will waving bye to me, showing a sympathetic expression. Rory was surely on his lunch break by this hour, giving us overwhelming silence. You pressed the button and soon we were in the apartment. I was expected a crime scene when I walked in the bedroom, yet everything was clean and obviously replaced. "I went shopping last night.... And did a lot cleaning."

"Wow..."

"You're telling me..." You smirked slightly. "The hall is meant for walking not your shoe collection." I laughed before shrugging. You left me alone to shower. The cut on my neck didn't hurt anymore. It was only as deep as a paper cut. My energy was too low to finish the job. Looking back I'm glad. I wouldn't have seen you like I intended. I changed into my Laura Palmer T-shirt and my long pajama pants. There you stood, looking out over the city on our balcony. Wrapped in your blanket as the breeze tosseled your hair. I step out behind you and wrapped my arms around you. It felt so good to hold you. To be able to protect you.

"Niks?"

"Mmm"

" Just tell me the truth... Did you love him?"

"Not even for a moment... Him and I were like best friends... Fucked up friends but friends no less.... There would be nights I would just fucking miss you so bad. He would keep me from ending it all. Giving up... " I saw tears trickle down your cheek as I had my lips pressed against your temple. "Now I'm just fighting for sobriety. I quit the heavy shit... But I can't give up the pills... The coke... The drinking. It's so painful."

"What's so painful?"

"Living.... I told myself I would sober up for you... That I at least would stop everything but drinking."

" We'll take it day by day Niks."

"That's all I can do."

"I love you beautiful..."

"I love you too." I felt that heat in my chest. Your words sent shivers down my spine. It felt good to hear those words. Yet here you were... Mentally struggling for survival.