The Glory of Them [Bastille Fanfiction]

There is No Good in Goodbye

Dan POV
I looked at the letter in my shaking hands. I couldn't focus on the words anymore. It all felt unreal and I wanted nothing more than to call you. Not even to hear your voice, but to speak my mind.

Dan,

Maybe I'm a coward because I can't say these words to your face. I don't expect forgiveness but I ask that you forgive him. I hurt you in the worst way. Dan, I slept with Kyle. I take full blame. I couldn't resist to drink... You always told me to not drink. I should have listened... It doesn't make it better... It was like oil and water... This wasn't suppose to happen. I'll give you time... I understand if you never want to see me again. I respect that trust me... I don't know if I could forgive you if you were in my shoes. It isn't like I didn't know better. Like I said I'll give you time... You know where to find me.

Yours always,
Niks

" Dan... Dan?"

"You slept with my wife...?" I squeezed the paper in the hand as I turned around to look at Kyle. It was obvious he had been crying too. It didn't help how I felt. " You slept... With Nicole...?"

" Dan I... I don't have an excuse... It was a moment of-" I pinned him against the wall by his neck, even I didn't know I was this strong. Hell even I didn't know I had this much pent up anger inside of me. 

"Please! Save the bloody excuses Kyle! You were like a fucking brother to me!" 

"Dan!" Will yanked me back once he came into the room, holding my arms behind me as Janna checked over Kyle's neck. 

"He fucked Nicole!"

"I know Dan!" She yelled with tears in her eyes. "They were drunk! Kyle started it!"

"The fuck them both!" I yanked away from Will before taking a deep breath, nearly pacing the room. " I really can't believe you..." A bitter laugh escaped me before I rubbed my face. "Please just get out..."

"Dan-"

"Get out before I regret not punching you in face." I mumbled, sitting down and glancing at the letter on the floor. Everyone walked out except Janna who was rocking a crying Clara.

"Dan-"

"Just stop trying to reason with what they did Janna." I sighed, digging in my pocket for my phone. My finger hovered over your number for a few moments. I pressed down before standing and took a deep breath. I was overjoyed that it went straight to voice mail. If you had answered I don't think I could have said what I did.

"Don't come home. Don't come near Clara. Don't call me. I don't want to see you... I don't want to even hear your voice." I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I wish I'd never fallen for you because I was a damn fool Nicole. You can send the divorce papers, but I won't sign them... I want you to live with what you did. I want you to live carrying my last name and feeling so shameful... Clara won't even know you..." I hung up before I could say anything else. It was probably best I didn't say anymore. I sat down and held my head in my hands before glancing to Janna whose eyes were glued to me.

"Dan are you sure that is what you want?"

"In this very moment I want nothing more." I took a deep breath before taking Clara from her arms. She'd remind me of you for the months to come. You'd respect my wishes and not call, visit, not even a letter. Though you did send the papers and they stayed unsigned on my piano. Over those months I watched you decay as a person before my eyes on tv. Interviews about a band you hadn't seen in months, questions about us that made you nervous. Then nothing. Nicole Smith disappeared.

So her fingers ran away with themselves

'Till everything was documented

Our mind it was reaching out

To put into words what their bodies had done

They lie together, oh

Oil on water

Clara's first word was mum. I think that October day was the worst of all. She just kept repeating it with this grin on her face and I knew her smile she'd gotten from you. Her first birthday she asked where you were and I lied. What else was I suppose to say? I'd pushed you away because of what happened between you and Kyle? Who could blame me. She was obsessed with the photo of you in the living room. I think it tore me apart every time she'd bring it to me and point at us in Hawaii.

"Is mummy... dere?" She sat down, her back against my chest as we sat on the floor. I wanted to cry Nicole. Then again the anger was still there. I glanced to the divorce papers that had been collecting dust on top of the piano before looking back at the photo.

"Yes sweetie.... she's there."

"Why isn't...she...here?" How many times she'd asked me that question I surely couldn't tell you. Maybe night once she'd learned to speak. 

"Mummy got very... sick sweetie and so... so she can't be here."

"Wills.... she ever be heres?" 

"I don't know Clara... Let's get you to bed." I sighed and took the photo placing it back on the table before lifting her into my arms. Carefully I carried her upstairs and tucked her in her crib before closing her door. I sunk to the floor and took a deep breath. eight months since I saw your face, heard your voice, even said your name.

Kyle and I had been mending our friendship and he knew not to mention your name. Yet here I though my message eight months ago meant nothing to you. Little did I know what you'd been doing to punish yourself. It was worse than the drug addict you. The alcoholic you. You were living your own personal nightmare in hopes to punish yourself enough for what you did. It would be my choice to forgive you.

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Boom. Three updates in a day.