I'm Yours | DARKNESS SERIES #6 ✔️

Chapter 71

"I can't believe you just said that Liam. You know he's sensitive and gonna overthink now, are you trying to get him in his feelings" I say to him rolling my eyes. No matter how true it may be.
"What? I didn't say anything that's not true. It was just a joke fuck sake" Liam says and I raise my brow at him. What the fuck is wrong with him.
"Was that not enough? You got something to get off your chest" I ask him and he sighs.
"I'm sorry idmf you think that brother. That's not my intention. It just happened" Jason says and I smile at him.
"Just leave it brother" Liam says getting up as he moves me to the sofa off his lap. There's something seriously going on with him. Why don't I know? Fuck sake Stacey.
Sighing I stand up and follow Liam seeing him dip into his office and hearing the door close slightly louder but not a bang. I thought he was happy.. We just made the fucking playroom.. I'm confused. Nothings happened.
I walk into his office and see him sat behind his desk holding an envelope.
"Got yourself a pen pal I see" I say jokingly and he looks up at me straight faced.
"Baby, what's wrong? I thought you was happy, clearly I was wrong" I tell him as I walk over to the front of his desk. I put my hands down and he fiddles with the envelope.
"What's with that? Talk to me Liam" I say to him and he slides the envelope across his desk hesitating.
"What isit?" I ask him picking it up seeing Liam's handwriting onit.
"My journal entry" he says and I perk up.
"Oh my god its been so long. Is this what's wrong? You don't want me to read it? I won't baby if it's trou long you" I tell him walking around to him.
He spins to face me and tugs me onto his lap. I put the envelope down and wrap my arms around his neck. He looks at me sadly and I kiss him.
"Baby what's wrong?" I ask him and he sighs again.
"Read the entry baby" he says and I just look at him then the envolope.
"Are you sure?" I ask him looking back at him and he nods slowly.
"You need to baby" he says holing me to him tightly.
Picking the letter back up I open it up and slide the paper out. I look to Liam who's starting at me and he nods again. I slowly open up the paper and see his handwriting. The paper looks as if it got wet to. Oohk.
I start to read relaxing back and I realize what I'm reading.

Well today was the hardest day in my entire life.. My Queen, my everything nearly left me behind.. My Stacey nearly god damn died!! Fuck! I started spiralling instantly and I still don't feel like me yet, even tho I know my Queen is ok.. I still feel lost and my heart still hurts like hell.. Me without my Queen would be devastating for everyone because I'd die aswell and my beast would be in control permanently! I barely survived without her before and she was alive for fucks sake.. Dead? Nope.. I'd just give up and not even think about anyone else and that's the sad truth.. Our poor babies would lose both of us because I cannot be who I am without Stacey.. I'm sat here in her room on the ward, all I can hear is my Queen breathing away and that makes me feel so happy and so fucking glad, it's music to my ears...  Then on the other hand I have a very deep horrible feeling that this right here right now is not real, it's all in my head and my Queen is gone and I'm lost in a loop of watching and listening to my amazing wife sleep peacefully in front of me.. My head is all over the place and I can't seem to focus or shake away the sad depressing thoughts occupying my mind.. I hope this is real and that we are all safe and OK.. Please please be real!!

I stare at the letter tears streaming down my cheeks and put it to my chest and just cry as Liam holds me.
"I'm so sorry baby" I say through my tears and he tries to wio them away but they just keep falling and I see a tear fall down his cheek.
"This is not your fault baby, I just.." he starts and hesitates. I look at him waiting for him to continue.
"I just feel pain. I thought I'd lost you and my heart instantly cracked and then you was OK but the crack hasn't healed up yet. I'm trying but it nearly happened again. I can't do it again baby. I don't think we should have anymore. I can't risk it with you. You mean more to me than anything" he says as I wipe more of his tears. That must of been hard. I know how much Liam would happily have a football team but me nearly dying has thrown him off.
"So where just not gonna have anymore? What if I want more?" I ask him sadly and he shakes his head.
"We can have more, I just don't wanna lose you so we can go down other avenues, there's always surrogacy baby. It's not no more babies. I just can't lose you. Ever!" he says looking at me lost and I nod slowly.
"So I can never get pregnant again" I say sadly more to myself quietly and sigh slumping my shoulders. Well that's shit.
"I really don't wanna tell you what you can or can't do but the pain I felt when I watched you bleed out and not knowing if you was OK for way to long. I had one baby and you had the other. I can't do that again baby, the pains to much. I can't lose you Stacey. I won't!" he stresses and holds me back to him.
"I understand Liam" I tell him because I do. If it was reversed I'd be acting the same way. But I am OK.
"I don't need you to be thinking about that anymore. It's over with and I feel great and the boys are healthy and happy, there's nothing to worry about baby. If it makes you happier we can have a surrogate" I tell him and he squeezes me and kisses me hard. Looks like no more babies for Stacey.