BULLIED

Story 208

No matter how many people surround you in your life, people who love you and care for you, its still so easy to feel lost and alone. Oh, how I know, because I will never forget it.

I remember when my parents first got a divorce, and my father decided to walk out on me and my mother. It was hard not to feel lonely, as I had no one to turn to. No one understood me. I was depressed. I couldn't bring myself to truly speak of what caused my pain to others as I didn't want to take off my mask and show what hurt me so badly.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking, "This has nothing to do with being bullied." This was just the beginning of the things I faced.

All throughout my life, I was always the quiet kid in school. The shy kid that didn't have much to say, nonetheless would rather crawl under a rock and die if they had to stand before other people and talk. And since being quiet was so natural to me, it always helped me to get by without the worry of all that high school drama. And since that time in 7th grade when I dealt with depression, I had gotten much better, but a lot changed when I became a freshman in high school.

I remember that first year when I stepped through those doors and wanders around the halls, and then the most dreaded time of the day came: lunch.

Why did I dread it so much, you ask? Because the majority of the students in the cafeteria I barely knew, and because they had their groups of people to hang out with, they didn't want anyone else there with them, including me.

And I remember those days, all too well. I would struggle to find a place to sit down, and one day when I did, the people at that table decided to move one over after I had been there only a few minutes. They didn't speak a word to me, just left. Except for the one person who tried to apologize to me as they moved... One table over.

"It's okay," I said. But in reality, it truly wasn't. It was a form of bullying that was easy to get by with because it was easiest to not get caught that way.

I remember how uncomfortable I felt, like everyone was watching me because I was alone. Alone. I felt that way, not just because of that one incident, but because I felt like no one cared.

And there was another day like this, except it was different. I sat down with a group of people who I knew from one of my classes, but I didn't know them well. I got looks from a couple people sitting there and wasn't spoken to by the rest. And then, someone spoke up. "Hey, where's your people?" I knew right away that even though I wasn't told told to move, it was obvious they didn't want me there

I continued to sit there, though I really didn't care to. And of course, i was questioned about who my closest friend was, etc. I felt like I was being treated as if I didn't have friends. And even though I did have friends, they weren't at school.

The loneliness I felt was eating me alive, and I was always so stressed due to the pressure I had on me by teachers I truly disliked.

Finally, one day, I switched schools and came to a place that I feared for many reasons other than the ones above. I had never been a new student in a new school and was terrified over where I would sit at lunch or who I would make friends with. I didn't know if I would like my teachers. It wasn't long after I started my new journey that I would grow to know great people and make memories I would have never known if this positive change in my life hadn't happened. It didn't take long for me to settle in and feel more at home.

The stress and fear I felt melted away quickly. I didn't feel as lonely and I felt better about myself. I felt loved and cared for.

And that's not where this ends. In the time being, there were a couple of times I was bullied on Instagram. I remember the comments that were made on two of my pictures, calling me ugly. I had a right to be mad at the ones who felt insecure about themselves to take their misery out on me. Was I angry the first time? Yeah, I definitely was. But instead of feeding that anger, I reminded myself that the person who said that was dealing with issues of their own and most likely felt ugly themselves. I simply ignored it and moved on. The second time it happened, I had something to tell them. I basically said, "I am sorry you feel the way you do, but what do you gain from being disrespectful to others? Nothing whatsoever. God created me in His image and i am beautiful just the way I am." I chose not to fight back with anger even though that person was rude because I knew they needed to know they were loved. They needed to know they were cared for. (I don't exactly remember everything I said but I tried to summarize it.) People who choose to hate others, say cruel things, etc. need to know that Jesus loves them. And people who do not know love do not know Him. And as a Christian, I know I am called to love others as He does, even people who do not love me.

The point of this? Don't let the negative things others say stop you from living your life to the fullest for the Lord. Remember, the angry, lonely, cold hearted, sad people out there need to know they are loved and cared for. No matter what others tell you, the view God has of you is the one that really matters. Be YOU. Shine for Jesus. Go out into the world and show others His love. Be a light for those who are in dark places. That person who hates you, pray for them. The family torn apart after the loss of a loved one, pray for them. God can fill holes in your life that material things can never give you.

Those people who left me at the lunch table, I'll pray for them. The anger I've felt towards my father for leaving me, I'll pray for him. Those many nights when I cried because I was hurting and had no one to turn to, I pray and thank God He saw me through.

Pray for your enemies. Offer love and hope through our savior Jesus Christ. There's no end to what He can do to change your life for the better. He helped me, and I know He'll help you too. God bless you all!