BULLIED

Submission 1075

When I first started school I was immediately dubbed the "smart kid." I knew all the answers to any question. I probably would've been moved ahead a grade or two but my parents wouldn't let that happen. I think they didn't want me to be made fun of. Little did they know it was far too late for that. I was already being bullied. I stood up for myself, I can't tell you how many times I almost got expelled for punching a bully. But there's always another bully. I was bullied for 7 years. In kindergarten it wasn't severe, only name calling and a bit of shoving. First and second grade were the same. Third grade is when It got serious at first there was only one. He would throw stuff at me and spat at me. I didn't do anything he was pretty weak looking and he didn't do any big damage. Eventually though his older sister and her friends joined when I told the teacher. They were in fifth grade. This is when it accelerated to physical alteracations. His older sister would push me off the jungle gym and a couple times legitimately knocked me out doing so. Her friends were guys and they were huge. They were around six feet tall and could probably kill me if they tried. The first guy would only throw things at me and call me names. But for some reason I think he was pressured into doing it cause he always seemed sad. So I just let him do it. The second one would punch me and tackle me to the ground. A prime example of this is when the girl kicked me knocking my feet out from under me and I lost my temper. I yelled at her and I was ready to fight her. He came out of nowhere and tackled me to the ground. It was a bit of a scuffle and this was one of the times I got him off. Now let me be clear I meant to knee him in the stomach... I really did. Unfortunately for him, I missed and ended up hitting a bit lower. He rolled off me and for a couple days it stopped, but they came back. That went on for 2 years and then I had to move. I went to a new school, it was good for a while. I made all the teachers like me cause I immediately aced their classes. Obviously other kids teased me for it. I was called a nerd, loser, etc. I was also one of those girls that didn't care what they looked like. I was called ugly, useless, etc. Luckily that only lasted a year. However before I went into middle school a parent joined the military. My other parent was constantly at work. So me being the oldest, basically raised my 5 younger brothers for a whole year and a half. During this year my grades fell drastically and I went from a nerd to a loser no one likes in everyone's eyes. I was constantly bullied. I was tripped, spat on, locked in rooms, etc. I would go home tired and irritable only to watch my five younger brothers for 5 hours and then study for 4. I basically got 3 hours of sleep per night. This happened for a year. During this time I told one friend that I was bisexual. She laughed and eventually bullied me for it. She told others and I was bullied by them too. I was called many names which i wont repeat. I did fall into a minor depression it never escalated to self harm. I began to have severe trust issues and barely trusted anyone. But then I moved in with my dad instead of living with my mom and stepdad. Who had divorced a month prior. Cesar Chavez Middle School was what saved me. I was still bullied but much less often. It happened maybe once a week instead of everyday. It wasn't bad stuff either just a name or a little insult. I'm now in 8th grade. I've only been majorly insulted once this year and it was by a teacher. Quite recently too. It was during P.E and I had accidently said something that angered my friend, he has anger issues. He put his hands around my neck and started to choke me. I slumped to the ground and immediately after I did this he backed up apologizing. He felt really bad but I swore a couple times when i saw i had bruises on my neck but I forgave him. The teacher heard me swear and held me back. He proceeded to tell me how he had thought I was an amazing person before but now that id swore he said that I was a bad kid and a disappointment. I didnt tel him what happened to make me swear because i didnt want my friemd to get in trouble. Luckily I had and have a bunch of amazing friends who comforted me even if they didn't mean to at first. I got it out of my head. Nowadays I get good grades I got all honors classes for high school next year and am applying for 2 scholarships. I unfortunately still have trust issues and self image issues, I don't think they'll go away. I often wonder if my friends just act like they like me and eventually will betray me like my old ones did but I try not to let those thoughts get to me. I have lots of amazing friends and am proudly bisexual. I am a lot happier now and am glad I was able to move and able to meet everyone here who are such amazing people. I am currently happy and determined as I move forward to become a counselor and a part time author to help kids who need help just like I did.

ADVICE: If you are being bullied just know it will get better. It might not happen soon but it'll happen, it took 6 years for me. But it will get better and you will be happy. Just hang in there. Tell someone you trust and they'll comfort you. Dry your tears and look up because there is so much to look forward to in life.