BULLIED

Story 292

I got talked about behind my back. A lot.

Kinder through 3rd are a blur. I can't really remember because my memory is all messed up.

Rewind from 2nd grade, I went out with a kid (call him J) for.. about 10 minutes. I was an idiot. But apparently he had dated 2 girls before me. The only reason I had "broke up" with him was being when I started sat down at the table, J sat uncomfortably close to me. Kind of idiotic but embarrassing.

I remember from 3rd grade, when I went to daycare every day. I got dropped off at school by the daycare I went to.

While I was in the van that the daycare drives, one of my friends (let's call her Z) asked me "Do you have a crush?" I was scared of asking "What's a crush?" I thought "crush" mean't someone you had dated in the past. So I said "Yeah, my crush is J." J, (the rewind from 2nd grade).

4th grade, that's when it all started. Everyone was my friend, since I was super shy and gave anyone what they wanted (if someone wanted a pencil, I gave it to them). I didn't want everyone to dislike me or hate me, and I was named the nicest kid in class. When I was younger, I never really knew what bullying was or if people actually talked behind my back. I started to catch on when people started talking about me. I heard my name a lot, mostly comin from the boys but sometimes the girls. I really didn't trust anyone at the time, and I still don't. Long story of how I don't trust people, but a certain person I don't trust is my mom. I don't recall her EVER asking me "Are you ok?" My mother never believes me. She always believes my little 5 year old brother. I get in trouble for the littlest things, or for things I don't even DO. She actually DUG HER FINGERS INTO MY SKIN, AND LEFT A SCRATCH. It was bleeding. But the only reason that happened was because my brother lied on me. So while walking out the door, I slightly dug my fingers into his skin. I know I was being stupid, but I was tired of it. Tired of being lied on, tired of getting yelled at for no reason, tired of attempted to getting harmed for something by my mom, tired of living. There are other incidents that happened with my mom ( a lot of them, anyway ) but I won't mention them. But that's a whole other story with my mom.

There was a TON of drama in 4th grade (guess what, from the girls!). I would be lied on, someone saying "Oh, [My name] said Blah Blah Blah Blah." I was called named behind my back and talked about how I had a crush on a boy. It got annoying.

5th grade, same as 4th grade. Exactly.

I had a BFF since kinder (let's call her A) and she was.. I don't know. I told her TONS of personal things, but she never told me anything. A always asked me things, and she would completely ignore me when I told her things. Of course, I answered, hoping A would tell me something back. But no.

She was friends with two other girls that I disliked. I felt that something was wrong with them. A girl named (T) talks about me behind my back.

I attempted cutting in about Jan, 2015. I could never cut deep enough, because I was a coward. I wanted to do it so bad, but I couldn't. I cried to sleep sometimes. My mother would yell at me if I told her something personal, instead of reasoning with it. I cry a lot still.

I'm out of the school, so I will be going to a more TERRIBLE school that's worse. I saw that it had a 1 star rating, the recent school I was at had a 3 star rating. Hmph.

My apologies there are things that are all over the place and don't make sense, so many thoughts in my head for now.

That's it :}