BULLIED

Submission 658

So this is my story. It will be a little long.

I was in first grade when everything started. I moved a lot. Right now this makes my eighth school I moved to. Anyways, in first grade everyone would call me names and say I was gross because I had a big mole in my left eyebrow. As I got older the bullying kept getting worse by the month. Every school I moved to every grade I moved up to it got worse. When I was going into the third grade everyone bullied me because they said I was to smart. I ended up skipping third grade and went straight to four grade. As I got older every school I was in I was the youngest person there. At the time of four to fifth grade my mom was married to this guy. He was abusive to my mom and eventually towards me. He never touched my sister. He never touched me unless I was the only person home with him. One night he got mad at me because I forgot to do something. He took a gun and started shooting everything in the house walls, computer, and even the bed I was sleeping one. When he went into the bedroom my sister, mom, and me ran down the road and didn't go back home until we seen the truck flying down the road. I was scarred for my life thinking he was going to come back and beat me because I left. My mother called our mamaw and we left for her house. I went to a different school for sixth grade and it scared me. I knew no one but I thought everything was going to be okay. I was wrong. The first day there everyone hated me for reasons unknown. Ever since I was little I had always wore my hair up because it's really thick and gives me a headache so when I would be sitting down they would pull my ponytail. I remember a girl grabbed it one time and pulled it between two desk causing it pull my hair. The next year we moved to a different middle school but lived in the same house. Eventually my mom got remarried to another guy and at the time they would always leave late at night so we didn't see them much. Things was better at that school but only a little. I had a relative there and a best friend. We talked a lot and people thought that I had a crush on her because I'm pansexual. They thought I was just a lesbian though. Then eventually I started dating this one guy. He said he loved me and that he cared for me. His friends started calling me names like "whore" "slut" "skank". He sat right behind them and went along with it. He then broke up with me saying he couldn't ruin his reputation. The following year I went to a different middle school. I had "friends" who said they loved me and would always be there for me. One day we was coming out of the lunchroom going to our lockers when this one "friend" started about wanting to see my hair down. I told her no that it kills me and gives me a headache so when we was leaving our lockers she grabbed my hair and pushed me against the lockers. She kept trying to pull my hair down but somehow it turned to her punching me. There I was laying on the ground on my back with her on top of my fist full of my hair punching me. I kicked her in the stomach. Eventually I gave up thinking that if anyone cared they would've stopped her sooner. When she got tired she gave up and walked away. I laid in the floor for I don't know how long. I looked up seeing teachers, students, even the principal walking by like nothing happened. I stayed on the ground pulling myself up looking at myself in the little mirror in my locker. The teacher came out of the classroom (one of the teachers who watched) and looked at me in the eyes. She said.

"You're late for class. Go to the office." I was tired from being punched in the face, chest, and stomach. I got up and went to the office. I was the one who got in trouble for "tempting" her because I was asking for it. When it was my first year of highschool I was still in the same school but I was switched to honors classes so I didn't see that "friend" of mine. I had tons of "friends". I guess their definition of friends was kicking me down the stair at school. Pushing me off my stool (in science class we sit in stools). One of them would even punch me in the stomach all the time. One of them would always stab me with pencils and call me "bitch". She was suppose to be a preachers daughter. Then the following year sophomore year (my current year) I discovered the first two weeks of school that my friend of three years has been going behind my back talking about me. I stopped sitting with them but moved down the table sitting with my older friends and my sister. I was on my phone listening to music and reading when I heard one of them talking about me. I took the earphone out and asked what she said.

"I said that you've been sitting with (girls name) more than me." I nodded putting back in my earphone. I heard her mumble the word bitch right at me. We share a locker so I can't avoid her at all. We have all the classes together except two. Her uncle grows weed in the back yard of her house so when I was forced to go over there one night she smoked it right in front of me. I was scared for her health because she always smokes no matter what it is. I told her coach and she didn't do anything. When I told her to stop her reply was "I'm not going to stop something that makes me happy because if I have to deal with your ugly ass all day I need it." While we was arguing I cried for two days straight about it. When my mom and her new husband (my mom has remarried seven times) found out I cried to them asking to be home schooled. They said no that they didn't want to waste money on me. They love my sister more than me anyday if it was her they would do it in a heartbeat. Once I decided to ignore her this boy that I like since my freshman year started talking to me. I was happy thinking that my crush liked me back but I was wrong again. He only wanted me to sleep with him. He would text me during class and ask after class if we could met in the stairwell to "touch each other" I kept saying no. One day he followed me around school until eventually he kept trying to black mail me and force me to come. I even told him a dark secret about me being raped by my cousins friends. He wanted to use it as black mail and he told his friends. I walk down the hallways with them calling me a whore and a slut all the time. He told them I wanted to sleep with him and I tried to force myself on him. I cried because I thought she cared. Eventually I started dating this guy who was really nice to me. My "friends" that stabbed me and pushed me around contacted him and started talking to them. He said that if they wanted to go out with him he would bump me and he did. I was so depressed that I put my pocketknife to my thigh almost ready to cut. I didn't want people saying I was an attention seeking whore who forced themselves on others so I was going to cut somewhere where no one could see but me as a reminder that I was a "fat ugly whore who needed to kill themselve". I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night because of all of this. This girl told me to go see the guidance consulor at school so I did. She practically told me to kill myself because I was a waste of air. When I was at home a while back I got a picture from someone who blocked me the moment they sent it. It read remember whore its down the Road not across the street with a picture of someone slitting their wrist. All I want is a friend/s or even a boy/girl friend who cares about me and not just want to use me.

(I'm sorry this is long but I would like to answer some the questions also)

What type of bullying did you experience?

Cyber bulling, physical, mental, sexual, and verbal.

How old where you?

I don't really know my age but I was in first grade.

Who bullied you?

Everyone. Teachers, principals, my parents, students.

How did you feel while you were being bullied?

Useless. I still feel that way.

Have you ever contemplated suicide as a result of being bullied?

Yes lots of times. Actually I still want to because things in my life gets worse by the moment.

Have you told anyone you know that you were bullied?

Yea but no one cared. They just told me to end in or that I was a waste of time and space.

Are you still being bullied?

Everyday of my life. School, home, or online.

(This one is my own question) Have you suffered through depression?

Yes and I still have it. I have no one there to support me through it.

I would also like to say that if it weren't for wattpad, fan fictions, and music I would've done killed myself along time ago. So please everyone who joined wattpad over the two years thanks for helping me save my broken and useless life.