BULLIED

Submission 578

I was so excited for sixth grade. I had a few friends, but not many were in my class. In my sixth grade class I only had 2 close friends as my crush who I thought was my friend.

Everything was fine until the middle of the year.

By the middle of the year, it wasn't good anymore. Someone found out I had cuts on my arms and sent me to guidance. It was a scheduled appointment so I had time to cover my scars with makeup and no one saw them.

It went down hill from there. Everyone, including my crush/"friend" called me suicidal and an attention seeker. I went home crying everyday. My friends and family asked me what was wrong but, I ignored them.

It got worse. I had to leave class so I wouldn't cry. I was in guidance every day so I wouldn't seem like even more of an attention seeker. I went there whenever I felt like crying. At least then I knew someone would listen.

I got made fun of for my weight, how I dressed, the music I listen to, even the people I look up to. They started making fun of me outside of school as well about my family and how I was so screwed up because my family was a bunch of pigs.

Everyone knew. I started getting anxiety attacks. I would start stuttering and shaking and crying. At one point, I was told that no one would care if I died. One kid even tripped me all the time and called me a loser every time he did it. He pushed me into a door when he was sure no one was around and there was no cameras. It left a bruise all along my back. He pushed me onto the floor and stole my books. I found them later in a trash can. Another kid stole my violin and after I cried and my dad screamed and yelled and grounded me, he put it back.

I tried to overdose, but I ended up sleeping it off.

I had my friends who tried to help me, but they couldn't do anything for me.

On the last week of school, it was worse than ever. Now this bullying continued from about January to the present and the future I'm sure.

On the last week of school, I got a note in my locker: Amanda Todd Wannabe. The teachers found it and notified everyone but my parents (I asked them not to). Then I had accounts on wattpad made by anonymous people that told me to kill myself.

I tried to overdose again. I slept longer than before. I was sick when I finally woke up, but it didn't kill me no matter how hard I tried.

Another note was out in my locker: Anxiety Freak.

And more anonymous accounts were made such as: (Name)KillYourSelf

ODandSelfBlade

It got so bad. The bullying continued over the summer. I cried every night and since I wore nothing but t-shirts in the summer I cut my shoulders instead of my wrists. They were covered with little red lines.

I wasn't proud but it was my only escape.

Now, the end of summer is here. Some bullies are in my class again, and I hope I don't repeat last year.

I'm scared. My friends beg me, but I've tried overdosing 4 times, and I really wish one of them would've done it. But I'm still living in my nightmare.

What type of bullying did you experience (cyberbullying, teasing, name calling, physical altercations, etc.)?

All of the above.

How old were you when the bullying started?

Well I was bullied some in fifth grade but it really started in sixth grade.

Who bullied you (please be vague by using terms such as old friend, classmate, neighbor, etc.)?

Old friends and class mates.

How did you feel while you were being bullied?

I felt alone and depressed and I really just felt like I didn't belong and I wasn't worth it. I didn't seem to be enough for them to accept me.

How did you feel after being bullied?

I'd love to answer that question but I'm still being bullied. I had a short time of not being bullied during summer. I was still depressed and self conscious but I was a lot happier than before being able to hang out with my friends without them telling me what so and so said about me.

Have you told anyone you know that you were bullied?

Yes my friends and a few teachers that I was fond of.

Why/why not?

I told them because keeping it bottled up inside doesn't help and maybe they could find a way to help me. Telling them helped me not feel so anxt.

How long were you bullied for?

January 2015 - present.

Are you still being bullied?

Unfortunately, yes.

QUESTION: What do you do if the only person that can make you stop crying, made you cry in the first place?