BULLIED

Submission 634

My story starts in the first grade. Moving to a new school wasn't exactly my idea of "fun", but it isn't like I could make my parents love each other again. They became distanced as lovers and got an official divorce. I was halfway through the first grade before we moved to the city I live in now. Around January I started a new life 40 miles away from my father (seeing as I am living with my mother and younger brother [my older sister moved out of the house to attend college], although I see my dad every other week[end]). My teacher intruduced me in front of the class, and the students all stared at me and laughed at my name, since apparently it's uncommon to have a last name "Beach". I met my first best friend at lunch later on in the day (let's call her... FRIEND1) and we instantly clicked. Every day after that, we would be glued to each other at lunch and recess. I would constantly have chewed up gum in my hair, be tipped during lunch or in the classroom, have students laugh at me once I stuttered on words while reading. I felt like there was something wrong with me every. single. day. It died down for a while and I finally started dismissing the bad thoughts.

(Filler: between second and fifth grade, FRIEND1 moved away and I found three new best friends [FRIEND2, FRIEND3, and FRIEND4])

Seventh Grade:

In this school year I developed a crush on a guy (His name shall be BOY1). Throughout the next few months he was on and off with his now ex-girlfriend. She (somehow) found out that I liked BOY1 and threatened to shoot me down... Literally. With a freaking gun.

Harsh. I know.

Instead, her and her little popular posse verbally, mentally, and physically bullied me, along with cyber bullied and harassed me. It was pretty rough, and that's when I found out about self-harm. I had always skipped meals every-now-and-then, or punched myself; never knowing that I was actually self-harming at the age of eight.

I grew out of my crush of BOY1 (he helped me through so much, like if I broke down in front of class, he's basically my best friend) and I grew closer with FRIEND2 (she's my best friend, my freaking sister) and further away with the other two, they became fake.

My mother changed. She became more verbally abusive which brought me down a lot. My brother started calling me names and physically hurting me. My father recently started cussing me out, or verbally abusing me. It hurts, but somehow, I end up not killing myself.

I've been sexually harassed by my friends' grandfather, also by my own. Whether or not that itself is considered bullying (highly doubt it), children were teasing me about it at school. It hurt.

Me now: I'm currently 3 days self-harm free, 92 days without purging. It's been tough, but people on wattpad helped me. A lot. The bullying still happens. I know that it won't stop until college. Hut what will that matter? I'll still have 669138557981758075891759 years without them (yes, I am a vampire. No, seriously. I am.)

All I have to say:

It gets better. It really does. Someone once told me: "I was depressed too. Remember though: there is always a light in everyone. The light does not die out, it just fades, but never disappears. You just have to find that light. Not only that, but you need to IGNITE it. That is going to clear up the skies from the clouds. That will be the moment your life becomes meaningful." That has been my motto every since. Sticks and stones can break your bones, and words can hurt, but life will get better. Even if you don't believe in yourself, I do. I love you all.

Stay strong. You are all worth it. Find your spark, and love it.

- Ashley

(@Ashley_Beach)