BULLIED

Submission 659

Hi! my name is Mercury (Yes, its real and I'm not making it up..) and I'm going to be explaining my bullying problem along with some others.

So, my bullying started in kindergarten, yes kindergarten. I was bullied by the children and the teachers. The kids would comment about my weight, my height (I'm really tall, I hit an early growth spurt), my homosexual parents (Fathers) and my choice of style.

I guess I was emo, but that's the way my fathers would dress me, also how I wanted. I usually went to school dressed in black skinnies, a t-shirt and just converse and I'd get bullied for being a "dyke". I remember that teachers would yell at me and call me an "idiot", "fat ass", "disgusting pig" etc.. I told my fathers about it, but they brushed it off as and thought it would stop.

The bullying continued and it got worse by the years. When I got to 2nd grade, we moved to Austria (Explaining my accent). The kids would stare at me a lot as I'd take my backpack to my locker (We had lockers there, weird right? in America we had cubbies..), as I'd walk down the hallway, walk to my seat, to the teacher anywhere I went.

I remember a male teacher who would stare at me and when we accidentally made eye contact, he would lick his lips and motion me to come to him, but I would stay in my seat or keep walking. He came up to me one day in the cafeteria and said "Come on baby girl, I know you want me. Let's go to the bathroom and uh.. have some fun?" I started getting tears in my eyes and it scared me, so I ran out of the room, got my stuff from my classroom and ran home. I told my dads about it but they just ignored it. I guess its because 1. they were so busy with work and 2. they were both young (Dad 1 was 19 and dad 2 was 21). When I got to the middle of the year, I dropped out.

My 5 older sisters made fun of me for being a 2nd grade drop out.. my 2 older brothers (My brother and my other brother were both 20, twins.) would never do this to me, they knew I dealt with it too much with my sisters. Around this time, I had seen my older brother self harm. I always thought that I wouldn't do it, but I did.

I remember the day exactly. I had gotten home from a long day at the library (I was a bookworm, still am) and I just wanted some food and then ride my penny board back.

I walked into the house and I was instantly hit with the smoke/smell of weed. I looked around, coughing and saw my two older sisters smoking, (where my fathers, brothers and other sisters were, I still don't know). I brushed it off as nothing and went into the kitchen, made myself a sandwich and I poured some Arizona tea into a water bottle and went back into the living room where I saw my sisters still smoking.

I saw a very tall black man walk out of our bathroom and come up behind me, hugging me, kissing my neck and I tried to get him off of me, but he wouldn't. He wound up raping me in front of my sisters, but they did nothing.

After he finished, I ran to the bathroom, grabbed my older brothers razor (He would self harm, pretty much all the time), got my Arizona tea and got into my penny board and rode to a huge meadow about 6 miles from my house and got out my backpack, filled with my notebook, a pen, my Arizona tea and the razor. I thought about it for a moment, until I took it to my thigh, and cut. I cried and cut, cut and cut until I blacked out.

My older brothers found me with my thighs cut up and took me to the hospital. I woke up to laying in a hospital bed, with monitors and my 2 older brothers crying and holding each other and saying that it was okay. They told me that I had been in a coma for 2 weeks.. I started crying, not because I was happy to be alive but because I didn't succeed with the suicide attempt.

After I was released from the hospital, my fathers thought it was a good idea to send me back to school, since I had missed half of the school year. I went to the end of 2nd grade and still got made fun of for the suicide attempt. They called me an "emo cutter" and many other stereotypical names. One kid said that I should've killed myself, and called my brothers not heroes for saving me. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night.. I dropped out once again because of bullying, and I kept to myself a lot unless one of my brothers would speak to me about my weird behavior and then I'd spill my guts to them. We would both usually end up in tears or with teary eyes.. the only real friends that I had was my brothers.

They would always call me a beautiful girl who didn't need to call myself ugly or cut myself. They would call me beautiful everyday and to this day, they still do. I remember one day, I had gotten fresh cuts on my wrists from something my sister said to me and my brother saw them and grabbed my wrist and kissed them while he cried. He kissed every single one of them, I asked what he was doing and he said that he was kissing my cuts for every time he wasn't there for me. I broke out into tears.

My fathers once again thought that I needed school so they sent me, and since I missed so much school I just skipped 3rd, and went to 4th. Since I was out for the entire 3rd grade, I had barely ever went out and I developed social anxiety. I didn't know the teachers or the kids because they moved my schools. I thought it was pretty good for a while. I made a small group of friends (3 or 4). Then one day, I forgot about the cuts and wore short shorts since it was 92 degrees out, and I got made fun of for my cuts. They called me an attention whore for cutting. I cried and made up some bullshit excuse to get sent home. My fathers didn't give a shit, my sisters didn't give a shit, but my brothers did and I told them about it. They had always saved up money ever since they were kids so they could go and live in an apartment over the years from the time they were 5, they had about 25,000 dollars saved up, and they went out and bought an apartment for me so I didn't have to live with my sisters and fathers.

Ever since we left for the apartment, it was pretty good, I went to school regularly and the bullying pretty much cleared up, until I got to 6th grade. I got my first boyfriend and he was the "popular" kid with rich parents. We dated for 3 months until I realized that he just used me for sex.. why I didn't break up with him was because I thought I "loved" him. The next day at school, he told everyone that I forced myself onto him and that I was a slut. I was made fun of for it, and since I was recovering from depression, self harm and anxiety it all came pouring onto me. I went home and cut my wrists, stomach, thighs and my sides. I blacked out, but this time I had been in a coma for 5 months, my entire family was there (Brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, fathers and cousins) and they explained what happened.

After I was released, the bullying continued piling onto me and my depression and anxiety came back. I became very self conscious because everyone commented about my weight so much, and I became an alcoholic (An older kid at school would buy young kids booze) to cope with the bullying. I got drunk/buzzed every morning before school and then I got plastered after school so I could sleep and forget about the day.

My brother found my whiskey in my room and made me stop. I didn't, so he sent me to rehab for 2 months (It was 2 or 3, sorry I forgot). The bullying got worse and kids would call me "Drunky" and things. I asked my brothers about home schooling, but they declined because they weren't really teachers. I was switched from school to school to school but got bullied at every single one. I moved from Austria to Canada in 7th grade and it was alright. I had a small group of friends again and when someone would ask me out, I'd decline.. I was afraid of love, and I still am.. I just can't do any dating after what my ex boyfriend did to me.

I'm in 8th grade now, I have a few friends (8 or 9), I have an alright relationship with my fathers now, but not as strong as mine with my brothers, my relationship with my sisters is still horrible, but I'm working on it and my brothers both have beautiful girlfriends, but one of my brothers is going to be a daddy and a husband! so that's awesome, I'm gonna be an aunt! Aunt Mercury! Yay! Anyways, as far as my bullying goes, it's still kinda bad, but not as bad as it was back in Austria.

You'll win this fight, I know you will. I did, so can you <3