BULLIED

Submission 525

So, in Year 5 (I'm English), I had a small group of friends from my Lower/Pre School. My Best Friend and I had gone to different Middle Schools as her parents were religious and mine were not. I was quite a happy and bubbly person and I made a lot of new friends because I really didn't care what people thought about me and how I looked and I guess people aspire to that, I assume anyway. I made friends with a girl who hadn't gone to my lower school and we became quite good friends. Being young at the time I don't remeber what about, but we fell out.

I remember going into the playground one morning and approaching my friends, when they blanked me. I tried speaking to them and asking why they were ignoring me.

They told me that they "knew what I'd said about them" behind their backs and that they "didn't want to be my friend anymore." I was really shocked that my only friends didn't like me anymore, but being one of those girls who doesn't cry in public unless I am physically hurt or in so much emotional pain, I just accepted and went off on my own.

I later found out that the girl who I had made friends with had told my friends lies about things I had said about them. I was really angry and explained to my friends that I hadn't said those nasty things about them. They eventually believed me and we became friends again. Through the rest of Year 5 and half of year 6 the girl kept on turning my friends against me and I had had enough.

I left my friendship group and went over to a girl I knew from my Lower School's friendship group. I soon made friends with them and was happy again that the other girl had my old friends so she wouldn't bother me in my new friendship group.

A couple of weeks after I had made good friends with everyone in the group. The girl who had turned my old friends against me showed up and asked to be friends with them all. I tried to warn them about her but they wouldn't listen to me. She joined our friendship group and turned them against me one by one. The group of friends I had slowly began to split up. Three of them decided that they were better than the rest of us and broke off into their own group, and the girl had her two friends that truly believed I was a horrible person. She kept messaging me and informing me of more people she claimed hated me now.

If only she had seen the tears I cried every day after school, dreading the next day, not knowing who was my friend and who wasn't. I eventually mentioned it to my parents and they informed the school, but the teachers did nothing about it. I lost confidence in myself and believed that I was an awful friend-stealing person and that I didn't deserve to live. In Year 7 I took a razor blade and slit my arm open in three places and then wore long sleeve tops all the time and never took off my jumper. My dad frinally found out and was furious, contacting the school again. The teachers, again, did nothing. I retreated into myself and spent the school hours alone, eating lunch in the toilets and crying to myself where no one could see (it got so bad that I had scabs around my eyes where I had rubbed them raw) or the corner of the lunch hall. I spent breaks in the library, reading books so I could worry about the character's life instead of my own or walking round the playground alone while my "friends" glared at me and whispered to each other. However, a couple of my friends began to realise that the girl had been manipulating them, and said they were sorry. I slowly began to regain my friends back which took until the end of Year 8, where they said they were "so, so sorry" and we were all leaving to go to upper school. The girl went to a different school claiming that "I HAD BULLIED HER" all this time.

In my upper school, although she was gone, the sadness continued. I got put into a bad class full of horrible, vain popular people. The viewed me as a nerd and didnt talk to me. I was stuck with a girl who was so self obsessed she deleted one of my story ideas on my phone and pasted over it, "I am amazing."

I took a test for depression after I had broken down in the cafeteria and the result wasn't good.

After a few months of struggling without any help. The friend I had told, told all my other friends. They didn't support me at all. They just shrugged and ignored me. I told my parents and I had school and out-of-school councelling to try to make me better. My friends began to ignore me and I moved to a different class with my best friend in. I made a few friends who are lovely and really supportive. My other friends ignored me so much I left their friendship group as the middle school memories still haunted me and still do to this day. My best friend drifted away from me and I do not know if she still sees me as her best friend anymore. I have known her all my life and I have always been there for her but I cant help but feel that she is not always there for me when I need her the most. I tried to commit suicide but didnt have the guts to do it and couldnt bare the though of my parents finding me all cold and bloody. Now I have a few friends but am still battling depression and anxiety.

And still no one knows what I really endured in the past 5/6 years of my life and the pain I have felt and battled alone.