BULLIED

Submission 919

Well, I am being bullied. But that's not why I'm here... I'm here because I want to change your mind on people suffering with: Anxiety (Social+Separation), Depression, Selective Mutism, and Panic Disorder. I've been diagnosed with all of these 'setbacks' by my tharapist. (I'm not ashamed to say I have to see someone to talk about how I feel.)

I'm also in 8th grade... My dad abused us.. (Mom and I) He was drunk, had PTSD, cheater, controlling... But most of all he scared me, and made me feel like nothing.. Fathers are supposed to make their daughters feel beautiful, not shun them like a disease...

Anyway, I guess I've always been teased. You know, blonde hair, blue eyes, I learnt to hate my phsical features. Heck, people would actually act surprised when I got straight A's.

I'm also naturally introverted, awkward, and shy... Fun. People would always get angry when I 'over' apologised, when I spoke 'too' softly, when I was 'too' polite. It felt like people were always angry with me...

In 7th grade my mom finally had the courage to divorce him, and we moved to her home country. England.

This is were I developed my Separation anxiety. I was so attached to my mother, that I would go haywire if there was even the SLIGHTEST possibility some 'terrible' thing could happen. My daily routine was taken over by constant paranoia.. Still is. I'm not in control.

But let's get on with the school. British children are very cruel. During this time stress had caused my Social Anxietg to spiral out of control. I started to pick the skin off my hands, I still do. Everyday my hands are picked raw, it's so painful. And you know what those kids do?

They SCREAM at me, across the school things like, 'FREAK'. As I walk by the girls laugh. The boys say, and quite loudly, 'What the **** is wrong with her', or 'what's her problem.' I've had several panic attacks at school, one was one the side of the road.... It's really hard to talk about, but over 50ish children surrounded me. Shouting 'ill'... They just wouldn't leave, I didn't know why? Why? Why are they doing this?

I 'talk' with a notepad.. Kids don't take too kindly to that either.. They're always angry with me. I'm never good enough, and they have no idea how hard recovery is. I'm trying SO hard, and they keep pushing me back.

They grab my backpack and yank it back. They shout at me. They slam into me. The boys find it cool to rate the girls 1-10. I'm always a 0.. No matter who they ask.. And they always have to do it when I'm forced to sit besides one.

I'm so scared to walk into that building. It's everyday, they even started threatening to punch me. I don't want to be punched... I've had enough of that.

People with Anxiety aren't 'spazs' or 'freaks' or 'loners'. You have no right to touch us, or shout at us. If you know someone with this, please know every waking moment is hell. The worst part is, Anxiety controls you, not the other way around.

I am not ill. I'm not a freak. I'm a person. A person WITH FEELING.