BULLIED

Submission 811

Hello, I am @The_Real_Aziza. Well this is my story.

I am my own bully, at least my brain is. I have been thinking a lot of stuff about myself that isn't going to boost my self esteem anytime soon. How about I tell you what I have been thinking lately.

'I am so fat and short and dumb'

'God, could I be any stupider?!'

'Ugh, no wonder nobody hangs out with me'

'I'm so lame and pathetic'

'My face is only pretty with a lot of makeup'

'Man I wish God could take me right now!'

'My voice sounds like crap!'

'I'm so weird and crazy even that guy the other day felt that he had to say it out loud'

Sometimes I just look at the mirror and think of all the flaws I have. I don't actually get suicidal thoughts because I believe that God decides our fate. I don't self harm because the very few people who care about me will notice. But sometimes I just stare at myself, not for greed but for thinking of ways too make it be better, and realize all those ways can't be done. I once smacked myself across the face. I got an anxiety attack last week on Tuesday, that's when I wanted to be better. I've also been dealing with some social issues. All my classes have populars in them and I try to avoid them since I know they don't want to talk to a nerd like me, that will never change. I have joined a new group of friends because my old made me feel like shit except for one girl, she and I have gone back awhile. Huh, I guess two of them were bullies. Bully1 and bully2 always put me down, any little mistake I made they would make a big deal about it, make sure I felt small so they could torment me. Unless I did things they liked, they didn't give a care about me, my drama or whatever. Bully2 always made fun of my clothes, asked questions about why Im wearing something every single day. Im a Muslim and I cover every part of body except my head(not including hair), hands and feet. Every time I call them out at this they keep telling me it's just a little 'constructive' criticism. Me being the little keep peace person I was, just left it alone and change the topic. All of this has been going on for 1 year and a couple of months. Since that anxiety attack I made it my mission to never have it again. To embrace the new me. I have to realize that I'm in Honors for a reason, that I have 56 contacts on my phone and some of my friends don't even have a phone. I have to realize that bully1 and bully2 might've been jealous because I have things they don't. I have to realize that I am more strong than I know. I was my own bully and sometimes that beast comes back, but I know I can fight the devil's whispers and can tell anybody anything as long as it's fair. I have always been good on giving advice and now I'm giving some to myself.

ADVICE: Make sure that you believe in yourself, because if you are against yourself and the world is against you, you will truly feel alone and scared. Like my sister told me to do, tell them to mind their own business and get a life, stand high chin up and look at them straight in the eye.

As long as you are on your side nothing is impossible.