BULLIED

Submission 1057

I have experienced bullying. It started in 4th grade. I moved to a new school because my old school shut down. At this point I wasn't close to my siblings (I have 5) and my parents were never around, i just had my grandmother and my dog. Anyway 4th grade, it was fine at first, three kids from my old school switched to the same school, but they never really talked to me, too busy with their new friends. No one would talk to me so for recess and lunch i would eat and read. It was pretty normal I was shy anyway so it was okay no one talked to me. Then a girl sat with me, i still remember it, she became my best friend. In 5th grade is when it REALLY started. I was at recess and when i came back there was a balled up paper with a pencil stabbed into it. I didn't know how it got there, so i went to throw it away, and the whole class saw. They started calling me a murder, and a vicious person. They would never let me go near the scissors. Then in the middle of the year i became friends with this other girl in my class, i didn't like her at first but i grew to trust her, then my two 'best friends' made plans infront of me,not inviting me. Then hung out without me at lunch, i was being replaced. I got pretty upset and cried, it was the first and only time i cried in front of them. Then that same girl, after i got my best friend back. Started rumors that i was failing and i had fake boobs. Or i was wearing a push up bra, which i wasn't I was a short girl with big boobs, it wasn't my fault. So the guys in my class started looking at me a lot and making sexual jokes, that i didn't understand at the time. I wanted to die, My best friend always said i was over dramatic, and stupid, annoying, so i really thought i was. I told my family, but i never wanted them to really do anything, in fear that i would get bullied worse. I told the teacher and she ignored me.

6th grade came and i was so far gone into my dark little shell. my family hated me, my school hated me. What was there to live for? well we got 2 new students that year, one who i befriended, one who became my biggest fear, to this day. I started playing basket ball, and i wasn't bad either, but girls on the team started to laugh at me, saying i was a loser for even trying. During school i started getting called a slut and i had rumors i tried sleeping with older kids. This is also the year my grandmother passed away. Before that though a note was given to a kid i 'liked' (I didn't really like him but my friend did) The new bully told the teacher i did it because i was an obsessed freak. My teacher believed her and yelled at me and my friend. I'm still not sure who really did frame me for that and wrote the letter. anyway whe my grandmother died, I slipped further into my shell, i became meaner and colder. the day of her funeral i found pinecones on my porch, which was strange, the next day the bully came up to me and said "Like your pinecones?'" turns out her and another girl threw them at my house to make me upset. I ended up quitting basket ball, and everything really, i kept begging to stay home, which my mom always said no. In 7th grade the parents started being mean too, and spread rumors they heard from their kids, about me. My best friend started emotionally abusing me, but i never left. I started getting called gay, and a prostitute. Around this time my grades fell too. In 8th grade i was still abused by my best friend. Then over the summer a girl started a rumor i hated everyone, which i guess is true now that i think about it. So no one talked to me when high school started. Only one kid from middle school, and he played a huge prank on me and i lost some of my New friends too. I still get bullied a bit, not as much highschool is a lot better and i have friends who will willingly stay up all night and talk with me. I still want to die sometimes, and i still feel hollow and lonely but i know i can do it now, i can make it.

ADVICE: I just want to say, even if someone has a lot of friends, and is always smiling you don't know what it's like for them. I was told numerous of times i couldn't be depressed i had friends and i smiled. But i was, i wanted to die more than anything. So before you go judge someone think about how you would feel, and another thing. LOVE YOURSELF!!! because maybe not everyone loves you but i love you no matter what and you should love out too, there really is only one you and you're perfect.