BULLIED

Submission 679

It all started when I was in the 1st grade. Nothing major really. Just typical things that normal kids would say to each other at that age. "You're fat" "You're ugly." "You're a freak." ect. I was little so these things bothered me when I was younger. The bullying continued into 2nd grade where the comments continued. Same things really but in a more harsh of a way. However in second grade I met this girl and to this day is my best friend, but I guess I'll explain more about why she is such an important person later on. During 3rd grade. I thought that everything was okay. It seemed to me that.. everything stopped. and that everything was okay.. but the kids who were bullying me were just staying what's considered as " on the low." pretty much all of 3rd grade was fine. a couple names here and there. but I wasn't going to let that get to me.. 4th grade.. is where it started to change again.. the beginning of the 4th grade was okay and everything. Up until the middle of the year when things started to change in people's attitudes and I guess.. they started showing who they truly were. There was this boy. that I had liked. and everyone was saying he liked me.. so I went up and confronted him about it and all he responded with was "Ew no!! You're disgusting. And your face makes me want to puke!". I couldn't say much.. because it hurt.. and.. I could feel my face getting red, the choked up feeling in my throat and tears lining my eyes. I didn't talk to anyone else for the rest of that day. And didn't come into school the day after. When I did come back in through a bunch of rumors were spread over the duration of 1-2 days. and the whole school was harassing me. calling me names and saying a bunch of stuff. At the end of 4th grade the kid I liked was outside and approached me and my group of friends and he started calling me a whore and a slut and ugly and how I was worthless.. I walked away from him trying not to cry infront of my friends and he didn't stop. he just followed me around continually calling me names. the summer was okay. until I started getting text messages with people telling me I was ugly. and a whore. and white trash. ect. I broke down.. and started crying.. because school wasn't bad enough.. but now cyber.. i tried changing who I was. putting a little bit of "abnormal" color in my hair.. wearing a little makeup. changing my clothes style.. hoping that the next school year would be better.. 5th grade.. there was this group of boys that I used to hang out with. it consisted of.. 4 guys..? and only 3 were my friends.. the one kid I just met that year. and everything was okay until after one of the kids from the group was saying he liked me and everything and.. well.. he was truly only screwing with my head.. during the middle of the year they started calling me shrek. ogre. ugly. fat. disgusting. waste of space. cunt. slut. goth. emo. freak. satanist. disgrace. worthless. nothing to anybody.. and the list continued.. I was diagnosed with mild depression in the summer after 5th grade... I was also diagnosed with severe social anxiety.. During 6th grade. I wasn't so much as verbally bullied. But over text messages more so now. because I was in a "middle school" there was a variety of different ages. the same group of kids from the previous year continued to bully me and call me shrek and everything else.. but shortly after not even.. 3 months into school.. almost the whole school was calling me names and harassing me.. it started becoming physical bullying as well as verbal and cyber. people would shove me down stairs. shove me into walls and lockers. kick me and punch me when I'm down.. as for the text messages. I was called an emo obsessive freak. a goth. I was told to kill myself. that nobody would care if I died. that.. if I jumped the bridge nobody would care. that.. I should go and cut up my arms.. a bunch of other hurtful remarks.. so.. I did.. I started cutting in the 6th grade. not bad. but I would take thumb tacks or push pins or bobby pins and I would scrape them across my skin until little blood came out.. if I really wanted to bleed.. I would take shaving razors and lash them across my skin.. 7th grade. I moved. I changed schools. hoping things would get better but no. things only got worse.. and I became suicidal.. instead of cutting with shaving razors and bobby pins I would take the blades out of box cutters and pencil sharpeners and my mom had blades for I think a calus shaver..? I would cut with them so bad to the point where I was hospitalized for it.. I split a vein.. and I've needed stitches for cutting multiple times.. I've also attempted suicide.. and have been hospitalized for that many times as well.. I'm in 9th grade now.. and the physical bullying stopped. verbal isn't as bad anymore. but cyber continues.. and it's terrible.. I still cut & still have thoughts of suicide.. but I have my best friend.. and there was this boy that I met over a chatting site.. to this day they have been there for me day in and day out helping me and trying to find a way to get the bullying to stop altogether.. they make me feel wanted and loved when.. I loose hope.. and that's quite often when I feel like I'm nothing. because I was bullied for so long.. I started to believe that what they were saying is true.. but I have the few people that matter to me by my side and I hope it stays that way because without them I'm nothing.