BULLIED

Submission 690

Okay soo...

Firs of all, I'm a girl. I think I was meant to get bullied, honestly. I've been bullied for as long as I can remember, which is since first grade(yeah I don't remember anything from kindergarten.) In elementary school I was the quiet kid with the worst anxiety, I couldn't speak up or utter a word, I couldn't ask for an extra pen or ask what time it was without stuttering like crazy. I was too shy.

People called me names, a lot of them. I was always the fat kid. I was called fat a lot and I hated my body when I was 9, I WAS SUPPOSED TO LOVE MY BODY AT THAT AGE, NOT HATE IT, but how could I love it WHEN MY OWN FAMILY TOLD ME I WAS FAT? Yes, they always told me to eat less because I was too fat. In elementary school I had no real friends. If I found a friend, they would always find a replacement, so I was always friendless. Of course, I just waited for the teacher to find me someone to sit with. No one liked me, if I had to sit with someone, they would say 'why do I have to sit with her?', but that was before they actually got to know my personality because I guess I didn't turn out as bad as they thought.

In 6th grade, that's when some real bullying came along. Literally everyone told me I wasn't good enough to pass a test without copying, they told me I wasn't smart and I believed them.

I'm just gonna skip most of the friendless parts and the family parts because for that I'm gonna need to write a book, I'm just gonna talk about some main bully. And he was a boy. Let's ball him BoyBully. He would call me fat, ugly, worthless, whatever you can think of. He would choke me and hit me. That happened since 6th grade. It went from calling me names to hitting me.

Once in 8th grade a teacher was missing so he left a girl who would make fun of me and call me worthless fat and other names, so let's call her bully. So Bully was in charge. Bully was popular and stuff so that's why people also made fun of her, but that's what being popular does to you. You're worshipped but also called names. Not trying to sound mean but she was a little overweight but that didn't change her attitude, she thought she ruled the school.

BoyBully then went to her and cornered her to tease her and stuff, one other boy came too so they were teasing her and she asked for the rest of the class to help her so I got up to help her. What did I get for helping her? I got cornered. She was saved and I was cornered. It would look like trying to rape someone. Some other boys came to corner me and I was literally surrounded by 5 boys in the freaking corner. BoyBully took off his freaking shirt and was left shirtless. Ok ew, I pushed him away but he wouldn't budge. I asked for the others to help me but all they did was watch like it was a freaking tv show. They thought it was a joke yeah well I was suffering.

BoyBully always did everything to me yet no one would do nothing.

Another time was in 9th grade, in class, the teacher wasn't there and we were in groups for a project and the class was really noisy. I was in a group with only one other girl and 4 boys. BoyBully was one of them. I started arguing with him and then he got up from his seat and started slapping me. Literally. The girl ignored us like he was just joking but he was literally slapping me, what made it worse was that the guys were fucking filming it. They filmed him slapping me. I fucking hate them so damn much. One of them posted it on Instagram and oh God it was embarrassing, sure it didn't get many likes but it still was embarrassing as hell.

Some guys would fucking touch my butt and oh god how embarrassed I was. Everyone laughed and no one knew I was suffering.

So this was just a really small part of how much I got bullied. Now I'm a junior in high school, sure things got better actually in high school, I lost some weight but I'm still fat. I guess I got better but whenever I thought 'hey maybe I'm gonna actually get happy' something always happened to make me be depressed again.

What type of bullying did you experience?

Cyber bullying,name calling, body shaming, abused sexually.

How old were you when bullying started? Who bullied you?

I was 6, I was bullied by my own siblings, all of my classmates, people I saw on the streets.

How did you feel while being bullied?

Suffocated.

How did you feel after being bullied?

Worthless shit that cant stand up for her old self.

Did anyone help you cope with that feeling?

No, everyone thought they were just joking around and that it was no big deal. I told an interned friend but she didn't really care, she just wanted me to help HER out with HER problems.

Have you ever self-harmed and/or called into a state of depression as a result of being bullied?

Yes I have self harmed because I needed to find relief somewhere, I don't do it anymore and I regret ever doing it. I went into a stage of major depression and no one ever found out except for that internet friend that didn't care.

Have you ever contemplated suicide as a result of being bullied?

I've thought about suicide but it wasn't only because I was bullied, it was because my own parents told me I was worthless, that I don't do anything good so of course I thought that killing myself would be the best thing. I still do think of suicide but I just found a reason to live;

TO LIVE FOR MYSELF SO I CAN ENJOY THE REAL LIFE, SO I LOOK AT THE WONDERS OF LIFE, SO I CAN TRAVEL THE WORLD AND DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO. That's a reason to live. Live to enjoy the good things in life, even if you think no one needs you. You don't need to live for them, live for yourself.

Have you ever told anyone you know that you were bullied? Why or why not?

Only that internet friend and we don't even talk anymore. I told her because she was kind of bullied too and we had that in common, if I knew her live I wouldn't have told her because I have these high walls that I don't let anyone in. Trust issues.

How long were you bullied for? Are you still being bullied?

I was bullied for 10 years, since high school though I hardly every see my old bullies so I guess it's all good. I still sometimes get bullied but at least I can stand up for myself now.

Okay this was really long, sorry. Thank you if yo actually read it, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't even read it. Also I have a problem with ADHD so it was really hard to finish this.